Thank You All!

Dear Friends, 

This is a simple thank you for all that have read my blogs or have read my posts on Facebook or Twitter. Thank you for the help and support. See you in 2012!

Eugene Chandler III

December To Remember: Last Blog of 2011

Dear Friends,

After careful thought and just reflecting on things, I was going to write about all the events that occurred in 2011. After writing all the positive things I did this year, I decided to use this blog for something else. I mean why I should reflect on the bad things. You know what happened to me after graduation. You know I lost 30 days this year because of child support and the crazy county of Sanilac. You know I was in two relations and one ended horribly and one ended too soon. So rather to go through that shit all over again and for me to cry over dumb mistakes, I will use this blog for something creative and positive. I guess I will just let this last blog for 2011 to be a mix of rants, raves, mistakes I did and what to avoid for 2012.

One thing I plan on doing in the New Year is become a mentor. I want to do this because there are a lot of kids that are so ignorant and need someone to guide them to do the right thing and not be so fucking ignorant. Today, I heard this white kid use the n word. What’s funny is that I walked by them as he said it like four times. Even the other kids were looking at me because they were expecting me to kill the kid. I will leave that to his parents but if that was my adopted kid or my little brother, he would have got his mouth popped.

Another thing I want to do to tutor people. I might not have the patience to teach kids or groups but I can do one on one for people who want to learn. I miss doing this because like I said about mentoring, too many people are ignorant these days. I love to teach one on one because there is not a lot of room for error and mistakes. Either you get it or you don’t. That’s life!

One thing I will avoid in 2012 is being in love. This is my year to heal and get my life right. I have been in and out of relationships since 2001. After ten years, it is time to change my ways and focus on my life. Something I said in June is my motto for 2012: HOPE to DEFY……

I made a huge mistake by getting back with my ex in Monroe. I say this because of the damage that happened in May. I know I said, I was not going to talk about this but I will avoid this from occurring in the future.

I guess my final comment of 2011 is that regardless of the shit I went through or the happiness that I had in my life, I can say that I am better. 2011 might have been both the most depressing and uplifting time of my life. I am not looking to plan for 2012 because I know that I have to get better because most of the year, I was down and almost out. So with that said, Happy New Year and see you in 2012 because there will be more blogs but more projects as well.

Eugene Chandler III

December To Remember: Positively in 2011

Dear Friends,

As the New Year approaches, I am trying to let go of all the bad things that occurred in 2011. I don’t think this is a bad year but I do see a lot of things that caused me to either mess up or change plans. Some of you know that if I put my mind to something that I usually do it. Sad to say that I did mess up big time this year and hope to not bring anymore shit into 2012. I said that I was going to do a year in review but this is not the blog for it. This blog is to focus on the positive things that I accomplished in 2011. I know that might be hard to do since I bitch a lot but I did get some things done. So this is my blog of positives for 2011.

My biggest accomplishment was getting my associate’s degree this past April. If you saw the videos and the blogs, you saw that I was happy to finish something. No matter what happened between my now ex and I, there was hope in my heart about getting that degree. My mother was there to see it but my great aunt was not. I promised her before her death I would get a degree but she died the year before. I know she was watching me from heaven to walk across the stage and get this degree. I will keep that promise when I get my bachelor’s degree by 2014. I hope then my life will be better.

Aside from graduating from school, I rekindled an old relationship. Even though it ended too soon, I was able to knock off one thing off my bucket list: To have one chance to date my high school sweetheart. I did and again, even though it was riddled with stress and bullshit, I can say now that it was worth it. I will still have a place in my heart for her and her kids. No matter what I said in the past, she will always be my first real crush and love.

This was a good year work wise since I worked not only the mlb playoffs but also a Monday night football game and maybe saw something I never though I would see in my life….the Detroit Lions make it into the nfl playoffs. So that would mean I saw: a super bowl, world series, mlb all star game, kid rock and eminem, plus ncaa final four. I always see the wings in the nhl playoffs and I think as a sports fan, I am good with all that.

Finally, I think my overall accomplishment of 2011 is the fact that I lived to see another year. A year that made me a better person but also a better man, I made a promise that in 2012 to myself. A promise that I heal and love myself first because I was too busy loving others and worrying about other shit that was hurting me. So with that said, this is one of my finals blogs for 2011. Thank you for reading and there is more to come in 2011 and 2012.

Eugene Chandler III

December To Remember: My Version of 12 Days

Dear Friends,

I usually don't do things like this but I decided to do my warped and life based version of the 12 days of Christmas. This is not supposed to be funny but this is how I see the 12 days prior to Christmas. Also, please don't get upset because you were warned. Here's my version of the 12 days of Christmas:

•      One crazy redhead.
•  Two crazy chicks.
•       Three strikes you’re out.
•   Four missing weeks.
•        Five silly villagers
•        Six is full of tricks.
•        Seven never even.
•     Eight is full of hate.
•     Nine mighty fine.
•   Ten ex-girlfriends.
•   Eleven my luck number.
•    Twelve is midnight

This is my version of the 12 days of Christmas, this is not a joke or to be funny. I just wanted to use my life this year to break down the days leading to Christmas. I wish I could be funny or exciting but most of the time, I am honest and forthcoming with things in my life. With that, that is all for now but there is more to come.

Eugene Chandler III

December To Remember: My Dislike of Christmas

Dear Friends,

By now you know that I don't like this time of the year. I definitely do not like Christmas. Not because it is the birth of Jesus Christ but more so because the lack of family involvement of recent years. As I sit here and write this, I look at my niece and nephews. They still believe there is a Santa Claus and also there is Jesus. Children grow up with a sense of amazement and belief but unlike my niece and nephews, I learned the hard way that this time of the year is not good for me. This is my views about Christmas both with Santa and Jesus. Even though I have a son, even my son is getting taught that even though it is a magical time there is hell to bear also.

When I was about six, I learned my first lesson about this time of the year. I learned that there was no Santa. Most people learn that later but I was early. The way I found out was not by accident but by dumb luck. You know how they tell you that you have to be sleep for Santa to deliver your gifts. Well I stayed up and watched my mother put the gifts under the tree. I would say that I was shocked but I was more stunned but later got over it. To me, Santa is a myth for kids to hold until they get to their teens. When you find out before then, you get jaded like me.

Until 2006, my holidays were spent with my great aunt and my mother. Thanksgiving was more so for us but Christmas was more of a day of celebrating Jesus' birth. Before I continue, please note that even though I do believe in Christ, I know that some people don't think he was born on December 25^th. Like I was saying, my great aunt would read the story of Jesus' birth. Even as a young adult, hearing the story of his birth would give me a sense of peace because this was a child born into the world by extraordinary situations.

As I look forward to 2012, I see that I have to do what I can to avoid how I have been feeling around this time of year. I get through Thanksgiving because I work but Christmas is different. The world shuts down on Christmas. Nothing is open until after Christmas. I think that's why I want to be working a job that does not care about Christmas. I use to see this as a holiday but now, I see that this is more for kids and those who believe in Jesus. I find myself trying to not be a scrooge but I think I just want to see a new year. That is all for now but there is more to come since this is the holidays.

Eugene Chandler III

December To Remember: Older People and Technology

Dear Friends,

I use to say that people can be taught anything but that’s not the case with my own mother. My mother is like older people and tends to stay in the past. My mother is the reason why old dogs cannot learn new tricks. Recently, my mother finally got internet but teaching her is harder than teaching a wall. I have been dreading this for years because my mother frustrates me. I am a self learner. If I want to learn something, I go to classes or read on my own. My mother is not like me. So trying to teach her how to use the internet is not easy. For years, she’s getting more and more ignorant to being online. Before I get people saying to be patient with my mother, you never dealt with my mother like I had to. This is a special blog because I have been meaning to speak my mind about older people and internet.

As a kid, the fact that people were using computers fascinated me because it was new technology. What upset me is how older people don’t use technology. We live in the world where things are straying from paper copies to digital copies. I keep reminding myself that I will not be like that when I get older. I do my best to keep up with technology because I don’t ever want to ask dumb questions. Most older people stay away from computers and internet because they get confused. However, my step mother can sit on the computer, play game and use Facebook without question. I had an ex girlfriend’s mother sit on the computer and play games most of the day. I am reminded that some people are just ignorant and rather not use technology. As for my mother, I try to be patient but I remind myself that most have a breaking point. Right now, I just referred her to classes at the public library. I don’t have the capabilities to teach her. If she was someone else, I could teach them. I find myself being a bad son but I am trying to keep my sanity. I am use to teaching kids and teens. Kids and teens are easier to teach because they learn quicker. Some seniors can do this but most don’t. I know that when people get older they lose brain cells and forget things. I feel that people need to learn new things regardless but sometimes people want to be in the past. I am going to leave this for another day because I am going to try to calm myself down. That’s all for now but there will be more to come.

Eugene Chandler III

December To Remember: My Rant About Early Christmas

Dear Friends,

I have been reminded of Christmas since Halloween. The fact that White Christmas was playing since November 2^nd scares me. Now if you don’t know this, you will know that I do not like this time of year. I don’t like the months of November and December. I have said this since November. Now that it is December, I try to not think about the meaning of the holidays. I don’t want someone to lecture me that it is not about the gifts but the birth of Christ. My younger brother who is practicing a slightly different faith than Christianity is not celebrating Christmas but more so celebrating Hanukkah. This entry is about the mess of celebrating Christmas and why I really wish people who not rush to start the countdown of Christmas.

My first thing is why were people ready to start celebrating Christmas before Thanksgiving. I was upset hearing Christmas music just after hearing Monster Mash and Thriller. Why businesses and some people are jump the gun and celebrate Christmas before Thanksgiving? As a kid, there was a progressive shift from Halloween to Thanksgiving then to Christmas. Now, we jump over Thanksgiving to Christmas. That bothers me because we tend to change life because we want things to come quicker. I guess it will take me a while to adjust to the rush.

I never really got into the hype of Black Friday. I still find the term offensive even though the meaning is not to offend. This occurs after Thanksgiving which makes me laugh seeing people leave their homes to go shopping after 5am in the morning. This year, they started after 12midnight. So seeing people leave their homes after eating to get gifts puzzles me. After Black Friday, there is Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday. I think we have too many unofficial holidays. Most of them happen between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

My final thing is that in December, there are like holidays back to back of each other. If you are Jewish, you celebrate Hanukkah. If you are Christian, you celebrate Christmas. If you are African American, you celebrate Kwanza. That’s basically the last two weeks of December. So if you are all three, the last weeks of the year will be crazy. That’s all for now however there is more to come because I am not done blogging for 2011.

Eugene Chandler III

December To Remember: 2011 Review - The Prequel

Dear Friends,

One week from today will be Christmas. After that is the beginning of 2012. I waited until now to start my reflection of 2011. Over the next few weeks leading to 2012, I will basically review not only my life in 2011 but also some popular events that occurred. I call December’s blogs December To Remember and January’s blogs are New Year Revolution. This is going to be a real December To Remember. One more thing, even though I have bitched all year, these blogs will shock you. This entry will serve as the prequel to what’s to come.

First of all, I could describe the first four months of 2011 as the road to me finally graduating from college. I still can remember all the shit I had to deal with just to get to April 30^th, 2011. I was happy to finally finish school and be proud that I have a degree of some type. If you read some of my blog up to graduation you know that was my best moment since June 10^th, 1996. Having that sense of accomplishment was something to get me over my depression and have some worth in my life.

After Graduation, what’s to come was the fall that I have been avoiding. I use to tempt fate and challenge karma. My time was up on May 18^th, 2011. That was the day that karma cashed in and took time from me. I spent over 30 days away from the world and away from the life I was going to have after graduation. Missing time like that did affect me because I hated missing things. If you read my blogs when I came back online in June, you know that I lost time, money, and faith.

This summer was riddled with both happiness and sadness. I had to deal with my accuser at work. I had to be homeless again. I though I found love and was on the road to redemption. I was blessed to see some events like concerts, playoff baseball, monday night football in detroit, and more. My summer and fall made me forget about the spring and winter but the overall damage of those events still linger.

Finally, there is what’s to come in my life and also for 2012. I recently stopped dating to find myself and also heal from being hurt and fucked over. I also think this will appease karma because she’s not done trying to get me. So I feel that if I let go of love and finding someone, I could get some things done and some soul searching accomplished. Basically, make a map for my life after 2012. Well that’s all for now but there is more to come because there is a lot to cover in the weeks left in 2011.

Eugene Chandler III

December To Remember: Wish List For 2012

Dear Friends,

As we get further into winter and closer to 2012, I love to think about the future. I have been doing that since 1996. I think my best years are behind me but I think I got like 3 more good years left before I finally find myself and stop seeking what I should have in my life. I am 33 yrs old but no wife and a son that I have not seen in years. I have been through so much with other woman and other people that I wonder how I am still living day to day. My depression consumes like ¾ of the year and I am happy for a short amount of time.  I use to think my reason for blogging is to clear my conscience but it’s more of a coping mechanism to fight my depression and try to have some focus in my life. I am not going to reflect on 2011 until after Christmas and I am not going to talk about my depression because it is in check for now. I am going to actually talk briefly about things I want to do in 2012.

This is my short list of things I hope to accomplish in 2012. I am not making any New Year Resolutions this year because I want to get my goals accomplished and finally be clear of so much stress in my life. It’s short because it is simple things that can be done.

1. Clear my credit. I would love to be able to look at my credit report in 2012 and get rid of some old things like really old debts.
2. Finish my college degree. I got my associate’s degree but would love to get my bachelor’s degree and be done with school. I am not trying to be in school for the rest of my life.
3. Seeing my son. Hopefully try to know my son and maybe be able to help him grow.
4. Have a career not just a job. A job is temporary but a career is more long lasting. I want to do what makes me happy not what gets me by month to month.
5. Possibly try to find love again. I am not dating anyone and I will not be with anyone until I find real love not something quick.
6. Knowing myself again. I am single because I need to remember who I am. I am not going to mess up this opportunity for self discovery.
7. Reconnecting with family. I hope to get back in touch with my extended family. I also need to meet people who are my distant relatives.
8. Do more exciting things. I think I need more excitement because I lacked it after this past summer.
9. Keep active. I try to do things but they are only short term. I need to do more to keep my mind active and also on more positive things.
10. Leave Michigan for good. I need a fresh start. No more going to place to place. I need to do something to give myself a fresh start with a life that is different.

Some of these things are simpler to do than others but I hope to get maybe like half done in 2012 in order to be a better man and hopefully a potential husband to some lucky woman. I been seeking a family since 2000 and I am going to get my family before I get to be 40 years old. I just need to find focus and get myself right to be able to have the life I want and be happy. That’s all for now but more to come soon.

Eugene Chandler III

December To Remember: Flashback To 1996

Dear Friends,

Even though 2011 is not over yet, I want to use this entry to go back to 1996-1999. Recently, I was reading my original adult journals from University of Detroit Mercy from 1996-1999. My god, there is enough material to write some TV shows, some books, and even some movies. I know I have talked about my past but after 15 yrs some things became crystal clear to me. Looking at my life from back then to now is like comparing the world in before 9/11 and after 9/11. What’s funny is that I done more in my private journal than in my blogs now. The more I read about the past, the more I think my life got worse. Well this entry in going to be a compare and contrast with some key points.

First and foremost, I have to mention that compared to now, I been in more relationships. I could not believe how much more in love I was with my ex back then as to my exes now. What’s funny is that I mentioned my high school sweetheart a few times in my journal back in 1996-97. It took me like 15 years to get over her just to date her again. Well at least this time, it was not a bad breakup. However, the whole thing with Andrea did make me change some views of who I want to be with. Michelle M. made me feel better about myself but further made me think about who I am with. From 1996-1999, I had only two real relationships. Compare that to 2000-2011, which I had more than eight which includes Michelle M. and Andrea. I would think after 15 years, I would be able to understand and happy with someone but I think I learn what to do to get in trouble with women.

Second, life in 1996-99 for me was simpler because I was just starting to live life. What’s ironic is that my son was born exactly 10 years before my life changed. Life for me was simpler because I was in school, I was working, I was focused, and I was happier. Now in today’s standards: I am barely working, I am barely graduated from school, I lost my focus, and fighting depression. After reading my past entries, I think I remember my root for being depressed now. The exact date was October 22^nd, 1996. I was on my own and alone. I have written in here numerous times about not wanting to be alone. As compared to now, I have been alone more now than I was in 1996.

Third, I had a shitload of opportunities that I took and some I did not go for. I know that back then, I could get more done and with less stress. Again, most of my past occurred before 9/11/01. I could remember all the jobs that I was getting both as a college student and when I was not in college.

Finally, I think I was more prepared for a wife and kids now than I was back then. I was scared to be a parent and even more fearful of getting any woman pregnant. When I was 20/21, I think I was more fearless of life because I was young, dumb and full of myself. Due to a lot of shitty relationships and even more dumb mistakes, I think I lost that mojo and bravado. I am lucky to see a new day with some sense of hope. That’s all for now but more to come.

Eugene Chandler III

November To Remember: What's Coming For 2012...

Dear Friends,

As we approach December, I think most people tend to start their end of the year review of things that happened in 2011. My thing is that the beginning of the year was marked with struggle. After my mess in May, my life drastically changed. By June, I was trying to make it to survive. Before I continue, I am not going to reflect about this year in this entry but after Christmas there will be something. This entry is going to be about gearing up for 2012. Also, I usually don’t look past tomorrow but I will try to see if things to come will be in my favor or not.

Someone once told me that reflection is like looking what’s behind you and hoping that what’s coming gets easier. I would love to have things get easier but I know in 2012, there will be more stress and hassles. I think I have done my best to deal with stress but what to come might take more out of me. I think that is what I am dreading in what’s coming to me in 2012.

Something else that I hope does not follow me into 2012 is my ex girlfriends. I know I made the mistake of not only getting out of one relationship but jumping into another one. I have made it clear to myself that I am not dating until I am set and fixed. I am sticking to that. I made a promise to myself to know Eugene in 2012. I hate being alone but I have to be alone in order to see what I want in my life and what I want in a woman. One observation that someone told me is that my standards are too low for women. I tend to agree because after dating my ex Camille, I did not have standards but I did have something I was looking for. I made a promise to a good friend not to date black women, and I kept that. I am going to keep my promise to not date because I need to be with myself.

My biggest hurdle in my life is my credit. So I intend to clear and clean my credit. I also intend to make sure that things that occurred in May/June will never ever happen again. Just like my vow to not date until I love myself, I will never allow myself to lose my temper or for someone to upset me. I guess now, I avoid fights and avoid to not fuck with karma. That’s all for now but there will be more to come.

Eugene Chandler III

November To Remember: End Of The Month Blog

Dear Friends,

Well it has been a while since I last blogged about anything. I was at first not going to blog until December but since this is the last day of November, I would push something out for you all to read. My thing is that after today, there are 31 days until we start a new year. So this blog is about my though process these last few weeks. Also I want to say that it is nice to be able to blog again.

I got through Thanksgiving without getting too depressed. I know I wrote about my positive experiences for Thanksgiving but those thoughts did creep up. I can’t help the fact that I get depressed this time of the year. I can fight it and hope for something good to come of my feelings during the cold Fall and colder Winter. I have blogged about all the shit that occurs during November and December but no matter what I say, it just kills me that shit has to happen at the end of the year. I plan on changing that in the New Year.

It does bother me that I could not be more cheerful during this time of year. Especially with my son about to be five in March, I tend to think about all the Christmases I missed with him. All the books, toys, clothes and other things my son never got from me. Most people would call me a bad father but I am not a bad father but a scared man. No matter what I do for my son, it is not going to give him that satisfaction of knowing who I am to him. I think this is one reason why I am depressed during this time of year. My son does not know what Christmas means to me but even if he knew, he might not want to ever hear it again.

Growing up in Detroit made me cynical about Winter. I lived during some harsh and brutal winters. There was a poll that called Detroit the 2^nd depressing city in the U.S. I would tend to agree especially during the cold Winter. There is something about growing up in Detroit during the cold that makes you not want to do anything except sleep and work. I hope it the New Year, I am blessed with a job that will not make me travel during the cold and brutal Winter.

In the log run, I have survived some harsh times especially during the end of the year. I think going into 2012, I will try to finally change my life. I remember my high point of my life prior to 2007 when I was not as depressed. I guess it will take years to get back to normal. There will be more but that’s all for now.

Eugene Chandler III

November To Remember: Myspace Blog Flashback

Dear Friends,

            Usually, I don’t mention what others write because it’s their words and their thoughts but today I saw some stuff that I had to mention. I was playing around on the web and for some reason, I logged into my Myspace account. As I was looking around the new Myspace, the old content was still there. So I decided to read what some of my friends wrote. Most were just commenting about life back in 2007-2009 but there were a few people that were going through a lot during that time. What bothers me is that what they wrote about either came back this year or still haunts them today. This entry is about what I saw and my opinion of it.

            The first thing I came across was my own blogs from 2007 to 2008. I already said something about what I wrote in 1997 to now but during 2007 and 2008 were very epic because my son was born in 2007 and my mind was still in shock that I had a son. I still can remember what I was doing when I was told that my son was born. I also remember that I met my next two exes via Myspace. One ended up going back to her baby daddy and the other one I let go. Thinking about it now has made me laugh at the other things going on in 2007 like being played by a neighbor and allowing some ho in my house. Thank god for Myspace to remind me of how fucked up things were.

            After looking at my own memories on Myspace, I went to someone else’s page and was looking at their pics. This person still had their marriage pictures on their page. Even though, this person was not married anymore, I found it funny. I also find it funny that they would write about how much they hated their ex. Now this person is someone that ended up getting remarried close to two years later. Unlike their first marriage, this person is still happily married now. What a difference some time makes in a person’s life.

            Another friend of mines was divorced in 2007. They also had some pics of their kids and their ex. I was shocked to find out that they not only cheated on their ex but was losing the kids. This sounded like someone I know now. I am glad that this person left Michigan with the kids, and is not happy in Arizona in the heat. However, back then this person was trying to become someone famous. I am glad they changed their mind and also their life goals. Being famous is not something most people dream of.

            One more person I visited was my ex that left me during the winter of 2007. She was very cute and intelligent. Before she had her first child, she was not going to end up like her mother. Ironic because she has two kids and lives near Detroit. When she wanted to go back to her baby daddy, I told her to go and make this last. She loved him but she was with me because he was with someone. I honestly think 2007 was the best and worse year in my life. I might have had my son and I was working but I had women like this girl run back to her baby daddy.

            What I learned from reading these blogs and remembering what my friends went through made me think that I survive worse shit in my life. Again, reading about the past showed me that it’s time to stop the pattern of my life. No more jumping into things and getting hurt. Even though I did not jump into last relationship, I think I was not thinking clearly. We live and learn, right? That’s all for now but let’s keep faith in God and hope for a better tomorrow.

Eugene Chandler III

November To Remember: Depression Review

Dear Friends,

            Even though I promise myself that I would not bring this up, I feel that I might need to not only remind people of this but to also show people that nothing can stop someone from beating things. If you don’t know I suffer from clinical depression. I have been diagnosed since 2005. I think only a few people until now knew this. Most of my former girlfriends knew but not a lot of my friends. I remind people of this only because of what’s been going on in my life and because of a previous blog about this month and next month. This entry is about my new bout of depression.

            Before I continue, I don’t want to hear anyone say shit to me about complaining about my life or anything like that. Unless you have lived my life, don’t come to me like you got any right to shut me up. With that said, let me explain why I decided to write about this. First of all, I have been fighting this depression more so since June. After what happened to me, I knew that my short term happiness was not going to last. I was free and serve my time in hell. I was happy to go back to work and get my life in order. Even though, I was happy with Michelle and her kids the feeling of depression was masked. I tend to think our separation was caused by both of us getting depressed. My depression always dies in the summer but flared up two weeks before Halloween.

            Second of all, someone though my depression peaked when my son came into the world. Honestly, my son does not make me depressed but the fact that I am not around for him does play heavy on my life. I always let people know that I am not able to see him while I am depressed. Kids feed off their parents and adults when they are not alright. I learned that lesson while dealing with Michelle’s kids. I think about my son and hope that he’s ok. I don’t have the means to see him but I pray for his soul and his health.

            Third, even though I do suffer from depression, I tend to think my depression is like getting upset. They both have triggers or buttons. My triggers for my depression are as simple as pie. I was told that my depression is triggered by the seasons. When I was diagnosed in 2005, it was after working the baseball season and at the time working for DPS during the cold winter. I also think my depression was something that was manifesting since 1995 with ironically the events that occurred with Michelle in high school, and then being alone for all of my freshman year at college. I dealt this my depression undiagnosed for ten years.

            Lately, I have been doing a lot more reflection because I have been reading my old journals. I see in my own writing that I was hiding my depression and also hiding my issues of the past. I think I did a better job of doing that in my twenties. In my early thirties, I think my guard is not as strong and I think I allowed so much to make me weaker. Even in my old journals, I think I was more focused. Some say that depression kills your concentration. I tend to disagree. I had fewer distractions in 1996-2000.

            Finally, I find it funny that my cycle of dating started and ended with the same person. I bring this up because the events of me dating Michelle might have made me see my life differently. I was a teen quietly dealing with depression but never committed suicide. Now after we been separated, I see the same thing but different situation. I know I suffer from depression and I don’t want to end my life but rather change it. My depression has made me see things differently. So I hope this is my last time getting depressed. I don’t want to ever take pills because they tend to change behavior and simply removing stress is a better answer. There will be more to come but that’s all for now.

Eugene Chandler III

November To Remember: 1998 Journal vs 2011 Blog

Dear Friends,

            As I was thinking about things, I was reading my original journal entries from 1999-2000. As I read these things, I was dealing with a lot more issues and drama then I did not. I actually started to laugh a bit because I forgot about people I was talking to and some issues that I forgot the reason why it happened. Reading these journals gave me something to think about all weekend. What’s hilarious is the fact that from 1996-1998, I did not have a steady relationship until Fall 1998/Winter 1999. This entry is about the issues I dealt with in 1998 to what I just dealt with in 2011.

            My first comparison is who I was dating. Now this is funny and confusing because Michelle is my high school sweetheart. So back in 1995, that relationship ended. When I got into school in 1996, I finally let her go. I went from internet dating girls to dating my former best friend and college sweetheart. That was a fun but crazy time. Pretending to be in love with someone inCanada, or somewhere else was great at the time but thinking about now is not a good thing. I think I had at least five supposed internet girlfriends before I started to find real people. I had three more women who were close but never worked out. That includes my infamous girl who used God as a cop out to not date me. When I started to date my college sweetheart, I was glad to be with someone close and real. Now as I get to what’s going on now, I find myself laughing because I dated my high school sweetheart over again. Unlike in high school, she did not leave the state to get away from me.

            My second comparison is the way of life in 1998 to 2011. In 1998, things were simpler and not as crazy as they are now. I find myself reading about my thoughts onClinton’s presidency, the internet, life inDetroitand even my future. I remember watching TV shows not reality TV. I remember even when wrestling was cool to watch. I can say that nothing will ever be the same. I can say that I witness seeing a man of color as president. Even thoughClintonhad some black tendencies, Obama is better. The internet is vast and infinite. No more dial up but all wireless.Detroitis going to hell and my future is not written yet. No comment about wrestling.

            My finally comparison is the content of writing. I think I write more and let more people see my thoughts. I started to blog because I want people to know my life but if something happens to me, they know how I lived. My journals were more of my way to keep my sanity. My blogs make sure I never lose my way again. I find it easier to type out a blog than to write in a journal. You can call this my upgrade to pen to paper. There is more to come but later days.

Eugene Chandler III

November To Remember: A Weekend Of Revelations and Healing

Dear Friends,

            As of today, I am happy and blessed. I am happy to be able to think and breathe. I am blessed to be able to see today and hopefully tomorrow. I am not going to use this entry to bash or demean my current ex. This entry is about my weekend of revelation and healing. I will say that I learned my lesson about second chances with someone. I am someone that gives second chances and also get second chances.

            My first revelation is that I need to finally work on myself. I have been hearing for years that I jump from woman to woman. I don’t make time for myself and I cling on to my woman. So I am not looking for someone at all. I know by doing that, someone will come to me. I just hope that it does not happen anytime soon. My second revelation is that my time has come to find new surroundings. No more running to my mom or family. I need to fly somewhere else. My final revelation is simply to know and love Eugene. I change my ways and my life to accommodate my woman. No more of that because I need to be myself. My current ex hated that I did that but I did it to avoid fights.

            Usually I would cry or beg to be with my ex but this is different. I had a feeling this was not going to work out like I wanted because there was so much going on. There were things that I was not use to dealing with but I dealt with it like a soldier. After my dealings with Andrea, I told myself to not make more mistakes. I might have slipped but I worked through it. However, with Michelle there were many issues I had to deal with that could not be fought or dealt with. I am not passing blame or throwing a pity party as she might think. I can say that I am happy rather than sad because as much as I loved Michelle, our baggage came between us.

            So my future is not clear, and my heart is healing. I have not lost my faith because God is with me. All I know is that for now, I am alive and well. I am going to be a great man for someone but for now, I will love the man I am. Someone once told me that you need to wake up and tell yourself to smile, dance and remember what makes you a great person. Well I smile more than I use to. I dance in the shower or alone. Finally, I remember that I am not some dumb ass but a very smart and talented man. That’s all for now but more to come.

Eugene Chandler III

November To Remember: Going Home To Recouperate

Dear Friends,

            As I embark on my journey back to familiar surroundings, I find myself laughing at all the times, I had to go back somewhere with my tail tucked between my legs. I saw on the news that people from the ages of 25 to 34 had to come home or close to home because they graduated school but no job. I can relate to that since even though I got my associate’s degree but have not done shit with it. I don’t like to admit defeat but with the shit that I been through, I need to run like hell. I am happy to at least have someone and somewhere to go when things go bad.

            My life has been many things but boring is not something I would use. What’s funny is that when I was with my current ex, I wanted a boring life but her life was more chaotic than mines. Going back to somewhere familiar helps me reflect and hopefully end my cycle of bad relationships and even worse endings to what should have been great stories. I don’t use home because my heart is my home. No matter where I am at, I am at home. That might be a silly thing to say but it has got me through my life even now.

            Home is where the heart is and I see that I have to get my life in order. I have said this many times before but this time, I mean it. After Andrea, I should have left for good. After Michelle M, I will fix my heart, my life, my soul and even finally clean on the skeletons in my closet before I decide to leave again. I feel like a broken record but hope this time going back to a place that makes me feel like I want to live life is better than being surrounded by sadness and depression. So like the song goes, I am coming home...tell the world I am coming home. That’s all for now but more to come.

Eugene Chandler III

November To Remember: My History with November

Dear Friends,

I usually don’t like using the word hate but I hate November and December. This is what I call the curse of November. It seems like the most traumatic events in my life occur just before Thanksgiving. I think I wrote about getting dumped and having my bouts of depression back in 2006 when I was kicked out by my ex and told me never to come back. I avoid November like most people avoid beggars in the street. December is worse but I will discuss November.

I use to not like this time of the year because it brings family together and we have something to be thankful of. However, I do not like this time of the year because of so many traumatic experiences that further made me depressed. All the missed times to bond with family is nothing compared to being evicted out of a home, or getting dumped. My last good November was back in 1999. The only reason why it was good to me is simply because it was the last time I got together with my family. If you ever saw the movie Soul Food, you know what happened to cause the family to break up. Even though that movie had a happy ending, my life is nothing but tragedy. Some people think I am being dramatic about my life but I know what it is like to not celebrate holidays. Especially since I am single again, this November not only left me with a bitter taste but no where to go and really nothing to be thankful for except not being in jail and not being dead.

All I can do is get through this month without drinking my sorrows away, getting high, or even taking my life. I guess all I can do is take it day to day because looking ahead is stressing me out or making my life more chaotic that I know it is. For the second time in my life, I not only got dumped before Thanksgiving but I also have to fight to not be depressed and focus on something aside from the past. For now, I am going to work on me and my sins. That’s all for now but more to come.

Eugene Chandler III

November To Remember: Alone Again....

Dear Friends,


Well after being in love and doing the right thing in my life, I am back to being alone and very confused. I spent the better part of the summer and most of the fall being with someone that made me feels better about my life and what things I needed to change. However, the relationship was not meant to be. What’s tragic and ironic is this is the second and sad to sad the last go around for this person. Unlike my break up with my other ex that ended with me going to jail and being on probation, this relationship caused me to think about things I would never think about again. Before I go into my life changing thought, let me try to explain what caused this relationship to end. This is from my point of view:

Michelle M. was my first girlfriend. We met in high school. We had some things in common. We clicked and it was great until she was forced to drop out. She said I was stalking her but I wanted to see her more that school. Her grandparents did not like her dating a black male. I spent all junior and senior year at high school trying to forget about her and living life my way. So we fast forward to this past July. After talking online for two years, we decided to go out on a date. We go to the movies, then one thing lead to us getting it on. I end up moving in with her and her five kids. Her mom was there also to remind me why our relationship in high school just ended. Up until two weeks ago, we were able to work things out but she dumped me because of CPS. The reason why CPS is sniffing around is due to her ex-husband’s molestation charges which was dropped was refilled and new charges were added. Basically his step daughter claimed he had sex with her and touch her all over. Now, Michelle used CPS as a scapegoat but the truth is that she did not like my methods for raising and treating her kids. I was raised to respect my family, never curse, and basically fear and respect my elders. Her kids are ok but its bad when 3 of 5 kids are on pills for ADHD, ADD, and more. As much as I loved her and her kids, the tide was coming and she had too much on her plate. Plus it was clear to me that no matter what I did for her and the kids, it was not enough. 

So on Monday, I had an epiphany about my life and that also this was going to end. I waited until she confirmed my fears.   What’s funny is that there were times where I could have left but I wanted to prove a point that I could do it. I wanted to show her and myself that I could be a great father and provider. It was not in the cards. Unlike Andrea, I am not mad or upset. However, I am very glad to have had a chance to get with someone I wanted to see if things could work. That answer is no, and I remembered that rules was broken to date this girl. Rather than to obsess and waste my anger, I will try to get my life in order and finally love myself.


The cycle I have been going through these last few years are causing me to think I am crazy, or I am a bad man. After Andrea, I know that I had a right to be upset at myself for what happened. After Michelle M, I really think I can let go of the past once and for all. No more obsessing about women I should have been with or women that would be great for me. I hate being alone but this time around, it is time to be alone and reflect. I already will be without a lot and with the holidays coming, I really do hate to go through this mess again. So for now, I will be strong and also work on being and getting happy. This is all for now but more to come.










Eugene Chandler III

November To Remember: Tiger Playoff Complaints and Wishes

Dear Friends,

I promised to blog so today, I want to rant about my experience working a MLB playoff game. The reason behind this blog is simply to finally let go on some issues I had while working playoff baseball games. This is a list of what happened and what should have been done differently.

Complains and Gripes:

10.) Early time: During the NY Yankees games, we worked at night which does not bother me but we would get out later. However while working the Ranger games, we had to be there late afternoon but the game did not start until after 6pm. Baseball games are short if you want it to be but these games were long and boring and especially, when Detroit started to lose games in the later innings.

9.) Differences in fan base: The fans were not the die hard fans that supported them all season. These people were out of town fans or the opposing teams fans. People assumed that we made money from these games but I feel like we could have made more if there was more fans that were loyal to the team all season.

8.) Out of town vendors: There are 150 vendors that I work with. However, once the Tigers made the playoffs there were an additional 25 to 50 vendors coming in from Cleveland, Chicago, and Cincinnati. I was upset because these guys would not only break rules and cause havoc, but some come with attitudes. I might have had fun working but these guys made it hard to deal with from working point of view.

7.) The coverage of the games: Now if you ever watch baseball on TBS or FOX during the MLB Playoffs, these guys that call the game would and could bore people to death. One of my pictures I took during the playoffs was of TV and satellite trucks. There were almost 50 or more sports reporters all over the ball park. That also made it hard to work because these guys would walk all over or would block access to get to fans. I also want to say I hate with a fucking passion Mr. Joe Buck. I know he hated Detroit since the playoffs started and I hope the motherfucker dies for being so bias and so fucking bland.

6.) Complaints: Normally, I could deal with complaints but these complaints are different. I said that people were coming in from out of town or were not familiar with the customs of Comerica Park. These people would get heated because we did not serve their beer or would not come to them fast enough. So being the person I am, I tried to deal with it. However, these people were coming in with chips on their shoulders.

Changes I wished could have been made:

5.) Start times of the games: All the games should have started at like 6pm on the dot. Why at that time? Well it gives people to get their families and also eat something. Also, Detroit in the fall is a cold and dreary place. So why would anyone want to be down there after it drops from 60's to like low 50's?

4.) Tickets: Every single ticket in the place was overly inflated by about 60%. My suggestion would have been to give some tickets away and not let close to 1,300 people stand for 3 hours. Standing room is a joke and not something I would love to do.

3.)Detroit's economy: Even though Detroit profitted from these playoff games, more people could have benefitted from it. I say that because most of the revenue were from out of town fans. I also say that because there weren't enough places for people to go before or after the game.

2.) Image of Detroit: I said that the coverage of the games did not provide a great image of the city. I would have loved to have seen some of the local sports reporters do not only the games on TV but showed people like Joe Buck to have some fun doing the games. God I miss Ernie Harwell.

1.) The Tigers themselves: I would have loved to seen them play St. Louis and not Texas. Detroit owes St. Louis for the embarrassment from 2006 playoffs. I would have loved to seen Albert Pujos in Detroit again. However, that would be something for dreams.

Some of the things I mentioned could have been done different but I did learn that things like working a MLB Playoff game are flukes for every couple of years. So my life is a bit different for being a part of history. I love history especially sports history of Detroit. There is more to come but that's all for now. 

Eugene Chandler III

November To Remember: The Effects Of Summer Sins

Dear Friends,

I know it has been a while since I blogged but like my vlog explains, I been a busy beaver. However, this entry is not going to be like I originally wanted. Since late July, I have been dealing with the ramifications of what happened to me during May. So I have been serving six month probation. Unlike people like Lindsay Lohan and other celebrities who get in trouble with the law, I am dealing with fines and mandatory anger management/domestic violence classes. As I had been doing the fines, it took me until last Thursday to get a class and also be able to feel comfortable to be myself in the class. So far so good but I know I could do more.

As I deal with probation, I keep thinking about what if I changed the situation to avoid jail and also probation. I also think about what I have now and if I could have still done what I did to get to my present life. I also think about if things were different, would I be able to be civil to my current ex? As I take the classes and read the books, I learn that what occurred on that date could have been avoided. However, I was testing my fate and was gone for 30 days. Looking back, I think I lost my drive and passion once I was incarcerated. I keep thinking something died and this new Eugene is someone that is too emotional and blind from life's tasks.

So where do I go from here? Well I guess I need to start blogging and vlogging for the rest of the year to get through 2011 and make a fresh start for 2012. I also want to get through this year because I want to complete the year with something good and positive in my life. All I can do is hope for a different life and retain my knowledge before I forget. My life is difficult to deal with but I am learning that my life can be changed for the better. That's all for now but more to come.

Eugene Chandler III

Vlog for 11/3/11

Vlog for 11/2/11

Vlog for 11/1/11

Birthday Blowout 2011: My Transition into being 33.

Dear Friends,

As the sunsets and the day becomes night, I think about how things are different from this transaction. We thrive during the day and relax at night. We make plans to celebrate at night but we work hard during the day. Lately, I have not had a chance to see a transition from day to night. My transition occurs when I finally close my eyes at night. I picked this trait up while in jail. When you are locked up, day and night does not exist. Time is slower. I feel like my time now is getting rushed by events in my life.


Just like the Janet song goes: “Time flies when you are having fun,” but my time is not flying fast and I’m not having fun. If you know me, you know I rarely have fun in my life. Right now, my fun is in my mind. My mind can’t even be creative enough to give me joy. What’s funny is that my girlfriend gives me more joy that I could ever imagine. So why am I unhappy? Why is my life hard and stressful? I guess sometimes it’s nice to have fun memories but like I said in my last entry, I don’t have a lot of happy memories.

Now, just like the last entry, it might seem like I am ranting but I am venting. Venting all the feelings I had to compressed due to my birthday and also because I am with someone that makes me happy. However, she’s not around me all day and night. I am alone with my thoughts and reminded of my sins and my fuck ups. What’s funny is that my mind tends to focus on what I did wrong because in my mind, I did everything right. So why in the last five years, I have had one girlfriend for every 6-8 months? Only my subconscious, knows the answer but my conscious mind will never ask for the truth.


I am 33 years old now. I should be wiser and smarter but I think for the last 17 years, I have been getting stupider and dumber. I make mistakes because I am human but jeez not like this. I use to think I was cursed but I know that I am just a fuck up with adequate intelligence. So for now, I can say that I am alive but also know that my time is coming up. There will be more to come.





Eugene Chandler III

Birthday Blowout 2011: After Birthday Blues

Dear Friends,

Someone once told me that things get worse before it gets better. I use to doubt that until this week. This is my first blog since my birthday. I was going to blog throughout my birthday but shit happened. I mean it was like I got hit by some bad luck. Even though the night of my birthday was awesome, I missed work and also had to miss work the next day. I usually get depressed and have a case of the birthday blues because I’m a year older but what I feel is making me more depressed.

I have been having a rough and stressful week. I think I hit the point of which I am losing my mind. I am madly in love but everything else is going up in smoke. I am looking at how my friends and classmates are moving on and forward in their lives. My life is a messy puzzle with a lot of missing corner pieces. I am starting to think I am truly curse in some situations. I am happy and in love but that’s not enough. Love is only a piece of happiness but the rest of life needs to be completed.

I know it seems like I am ranting more than usual but my point is that after my graduation in April, the fact that I lost a month to owing child support, and other circumstances, I think I’m losing it. I have a smile on my face but my soul is bruised. I wake up feeling less like the man I was in April. I might be happy with my new girlfriend but my demons keep coming up to remind me of how unhappy I should be. As a 33 year old man, I still wish for a simpler time but I have none. There will be more to come.





Eugene Chandler III

Birthday Blowout 2011: Mini Blog 8/20

Dear Friends,


It is August 20th, and that means it is my official 33rd birthday. It is also my official new year. Just like December 31st, this day is my day to start my new year of life. The things I have dealt with in the past year made me not only a better man but a better human being. No more dealing with crazy women or familes. This blog entry may be short but there will be more to come because I will be blogging all day. Also on Monday, the new year of blogs will start. There will be a lot of catching up since the blogs after I got out of jail and also my new life. So I am going to sleep but in the morning, the mini blogs will start.










Eugene Chandler III

Summer Showdown: Taking Time For Love

Dear Friends,


As you might not know, I decided to date. If you also know me, you know I hate doing it because I just want to find someone and deal with one person. So I am dealing with one person. Now she does not want to be singled out but if you are on my Facebook page, you will figure out who it is. Now before I get flooded with emails or comments, let me explain what’s going on. Basically I made a promise to myself that I am not going to do like I did with my ex Andrea. Actually, this woman is not like her. She a woman first and someone I have known since before 1999.

In my journey to rediscover myself, I am learning that I can be a better man to a real woman. My first mistake was dating someone attached to mommy at the hip. Sometimes a person has to distinguish the difference between being in love and just passing time. I also made the mistake of letting something or someone cloud my mind while with my ex. I am thinking clearly now. Now, basically this person I have been seeing is more supportive and caring. She and I both are going to school to better ourselves. She will be done in August then she will be going to get her bachelor’s degree. I will be going to school for my bachelor’s in the fall as well. We both want more in our lives. Something my ex is incapable of thinking about or wanting to do.

Like I said, I cannot mention her name or anything else about her because she wants me to keep her private. I respect that. She also respects why I blog and more. I can say that she’s a lot like me in personality, thought process, and even life views. That’s something I need to have right now in my life. I thank god for being blessed with her in my life. With all that said, it is something of a miracle that I got blessed with her during the short amount of time since being out of jail for child support. A lot of what I had to deal with has tested me and being blessed with this woman is a bonus. I am not trying to brag but this woman along with my real friends help me this past month.

Sometimes in life, you need a helping hand and I had many helping hands. One thing that I wish I could have taken a picture of was seeing the sun rise off the Detroit River and us seeing the sun rise and also us sitting along the river. That moment is engraved in my mind forever. I am a romantic at heart and that would have been a perfect ending to a love story. For now, I am working on being at peace with my life. Something I finally learned is that I should not be scared to be alone because I am not alone. I might be an only child but I was blessed with many brothers, sisters, and friends. There’s more to come.



Eugene Chandler III

Summer Showdown: One Most Step To Go

Dear Friends,


Well one more obstacle to go until I am free from the hell caused by my ex Andrea. I learned my recommendation for my probation. There will be no jail time and that’s a relief for me. I will have to go to a group therapy for some weeks and also a short time dealing with probation. That means I got to pee for them and be clean of drugs and alcohol. What is funny is that if this all goes well, my 2012 will be a clean one. Thank god for small miracles and my winning personality.

The aspect of being on parole does make it seem like I am guilty of something but I think I chose the right path. This journey I am going through is making me see that I need to be a better lover and person. I know I have anger issues. I have been known to control it but sometimes it is hard to keep my calm. So for now, I am going to change some of my life to accommodate what’s to come. I was basically a bundle of nerves all day because I knew this recommendation would either make or break me. Like with a lot of parole issues, this is going to cost me some cash. Thank god it will not be as much as I was expecting. The next woman I am with is not going to put me through all this hell. Actually the next woman I am with is going to be it for me. That’s my final answer with that.

As I was talking to the parole officer, all I could do was be honest and forthcoming. Why lie about anything because he will find out anyways. It does upset me that I might see Andrea during my sentencing at the end of the month. Knowing that vindictive bitch, she might come in there to make it hell for me. That’s sad that I cannot even be nice to her because in my eyes, she a sorry excuse of a person. I know some people hate for me to call this person names or take the low road but if you met her, you might be inclined to call her what you want. No matter what happens from here on out, she is nothing but the nasty bitch that caused all this drama because she could not stand what I said about messy people. Words do hurt some people most of the time.

I am basically working, then some free time, some more dates, and eventually a concert that I am excited to work. Two more weeks then a part of this drama will be over. No more being scared of going to court. I am not use to going to court like this. I am not even use to going through the court system in such a short amount of time. I just hope that once this is done, I can work towards completing my life goals. That’s all for now but more to come.




Eugene Chandler III

Summer Showdown: Eye of The Storm

Dear Friends,


A couple of days ago, it was about to rain and storm, I am reminded of my childhood. I would remember being in my room alone with the TV off and just listening to the thunder and lightening. For some reason, storms calm me down and make me slow down my pace. I need some calm in my life right now. A normal storm and what I am going through are different in strength. A normal storm comes with rain, wind, and leaves damage. The storm I am dealing with comes with stress, loss, and eventually damages that can never be fixed. I feel like things could be better but of course they are getting worse.

I am not as strong of a person as I use to be. I use to be able to deal with stress and life like a pro. However, in my older years, I think my tolerance of stress is getting weaker by the day. I allowed a lot of shit to get to me. I allowed too many people to get in my head and my heart. My armor is losing the luster and shine it use to have. Something I keep thinking about is what if I never did this or that in my life. Or maybe if I changed this or that in my life, changes does make things either better or worse. The storm of life tends to make life harder or easier on a person. I wish my life was easy but it is not. I was born into a rough life and no matter what will have things rough.

As I look outside and see the dark clouds, the rain drops and feel the calm before the storm, I think about what’s to come. What’s to come for me is my 33rd birthday and also going to back to school to get my bachelor’s degree. Also what’s to come is my final go at love and being a better man. As this storm comes towards me, I am going to make my final stand of changing my life and letting go of the stress of my past. I am getting tired of the same thing in my life. Get dumped, then move on, then find someone new then stress at work, stress from the past, and finally get dumped again. I am tired of this cycle. I know people will say stop your bitching. To those people, I say I’m not bitching but tired of déjà vu. For now, it is time to get soaked by the storm and hope the rain washes away the pain and stress. There will be more to come.




Eugene Chandler III

Summer Showdown: My First Love Revisted

Dear Friends,


Do you remember your first love? Do you remember the person that made you realize what love is? I wrote in an earlier blog about giving love one more try. I have said it before but I mean it this time. However, before I go that route to giving up on love, I wanted to see if anyone can remember the first real person they fell in love with. I would answer that question with a girl name La Keisha back in elementary school. However, I changed that to my high school sweetheart. I change it because something so brief turned into something that lasted years later. I came into the realization that my image of a real woman stemmed from her. I felt something in her that I wish I held on to now. My alpha woman was and still is her.

I have talked about my high school sweetheart both in a positive and negative light. I was upset that she left the way she did. I was upset that it did not progress to something more. I was even pissed that we had to end things. However, after learning the reasons why things happened the way it did, I am not upset at her or anyone. I did go through high school putting on a happy face but also living in the dark. I have said that I do things late in life. I did not lose my virginity officially until later in life. I did not ride a bike until close to my teens. I did not drive a car until close to 25. Even being a father close to 30. I lived my life trying to find this ideal of what I wanted in a woman. She is my alpha to everything.

A couple of years ago, I found this woman that I been deeply in love with since high school. Thank god for the internet because I would not have found her. We been talking and letting things run its course. I let go of the feelings I had since high school. What’s funny is that she is exactly what I wanted in a woman. She also exceeds my image of what I want in a woman. Once you have an ideal of your dream woman, never let it go. So do I remember my first love? I do. The memory of the person I fell in love with and the person she became never really changed. I question fate sometimes because fate tends to play cruel jokes on people. I had some good times with other women but she is the only woman I should have been with. Now that she’s back into my life, I am going to make the most of what fate provides.

I want to give some advice to people that feel the same way I feel about this woman. If you have someone that you feel kindred with, then never let them go. Love is something that cannot be explained. I have seen so many friends find love with someone that click with physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I never had that except with this woman. Young love tends to show you what’s to come. I believe that. So with that said, I am thankful to have this woman in my life. My first love is something I will hold on to because of the other things I have lost in life. There will be more to come.



Eugene Chandler III

Summer Showdown: Not The Greatest Lover

Dear Friends,

Last night, for the first time in over 15 years, I started to remember why when it comes to love; I suck at being a great boyfriend. This stemmed from my teen years. Most teens learn about love and lost during those years in high school. I have told the story of my high school sweetheart so many times that I lost count. Even the events that led to the break up have been somewhat a legend to those who know me. However, I never learned to be a great boyfriend. I might be single now but that’s only because of the events of May. When it comes to loving someone, I know I can do it. At the same time, I know I suck at being a great boyfriend. This one relationship made things for the next four years hard to deal with and eventually showed me that I am not a great man to be in love with.

My love life started in high school. There are a lot of things that causes me to figure that I am not the man of most women’s dreams. Even though I think I am better now, I still think any woman that wants to be with me have to go through so much shit to even get my love. My high school sweetheart was not only my alpha to my love life but she is the only person I truly loved. She did not make me a shitty lover but the events that occurred did. I can say that if I saw her again, I would do anything to get her love and heart. However the women after her got someone that came into a relationship half cocked. I have been able to gain knowledge in everything else but love and relationships elude me. I have had two relationships where it did not blow up in my face or end badly. Both women are still close to me but after my dealings with Andrea, I am giving love one more shot before letting go of the ideal of love for good.

So did I ever become a great lover? Well it depends on who you ask that question. I can spoil a woman. I can make them feel appreciated. I can make them feel wanted. However, I cannot keep them happy. That’s only because of what I am doing. Most of my relationships were either friends with benefits that I tried to turn into more or something that I could not deal with. Even my baby momma was a rebound relationship that was turning into something more but ended because I moved on. I said that I am giving myself one more chance to show that I am a great lover. I can be a man to some woman’s dreams. We will see about that. There will be more to come.





Eugene Chandler III

Summer Showdown: State of Happiness

Dear Friends,


I am going to end this week not bearing bad news. This is a something new for me because I am on the road to getting a better life. I have been so use to having shitty weeks and also dealing with some shitty dealings from people I was cool with. I am thankful for this moment of brevity and happiness. Even feeling happy is something new to deal with. No more being truly depressed and wanting to feel sorry for myself. I am also glad to clear out the haters, the cynics and those who expect me to fail.

Being in the state of happiness is giving me something to work towards. I want to be able to be around people and not be a kill joy or a sour puss. Even going to work this week is going to be interesting because nothing is going to bother me. A friend told me about wearing my fuck you armor and I finally got that shit built and ready to use it. So from now on, I am not going to worry about others but concentrate on myself first. That’s something I been dying to do for a long time.

I woke up today thanking god for seeing another day. I am praying for all my family and friends to get better and wiser. Some much shit is going on in the world and locally. We all need to do more to help. I hope to help soon. For now, I am eager to start this week off right and let things bounce off my armor and move on with my life. There will be more to come in the coming weeks.








Eugene Chandler III

Summer Showdown: Part Two of Court

Dear Friends,

If you are reading this entry, then I am not in jail or gone away again. On June 27th, 2011: I had to go to court over the bullshit that had to do with Andrea and the so called domestic violence. Now I am not use to going to court over anything like this. I was not scared but anxious and hoping to get this shit over with. As I got to court, I was hoping to avoid an actual trial. I did not want to have to deal with people accusing me of being an abuser. I do have a temper but I don’t hit anyone unless provoked. So while waiting for court to begin and hope I don’t end up back in jail. My prayers were answered somewhat. First, I got in line to see the prosecutor. Then I got to speak to the prosecutor and we came up with a decent and hopefully a quiet ending to this bullshit that was caused by Andrea the whore.

I can honestly say that I not a fan of the legal system. I am not a fan of how the state of Michigan and also some counties do things. I am not going to go into details again about my experience up north but in Monroe County, it is not a great experience. I feel like my time in Monroe County is up. I got my associate’s degree and met some great people but time to move forward and on. My experience of going to court made my decision to move on an easier one. Standing in front of the judge and thanking god that he was not going to throw my black ass in jail was something of a nail biter. My fate is in the hands of the parole board and hopefully after some anger management classes, I can close the door on this bullshit saga with Andrea the whore.

So for now, I am blessed that I get to see the sun and feel the wind. I can’t get a break from these women that want to hurt me and mess with my life. All I can do is give it to God and hope for a blessing. My life this summer is hell because of two females that has nothing better to do but hurt me. I do also feel that karma is coming to bite me in my ass. I need to do something to balance karma and make things right. I also want to move on and be happy finally. I should be enjoying the summer and having fun not going to jail and going to court. My graduation was overshadowed by going away to county jail and also going to court over a fast whore. However, I will get through all this and more because I know in my heart that God will bless me tenfold. Just like Job, I will get all that I lost and more back in return. There is more to come but that’s all for now.









Eugene Chandler III