March Madness: A Father's Message To His Only Son

Dear Friends,

About a couple weeks ago, it was my son’s fifth birthday. In 2007, my son was bought into this world. If you know me, you know that my son is both a very sore subject and a source of my depression most days. You would think that I would be celebrating his fifth birthday but like the last four birthdays, I could not make the drive up there or have permission to see him. This entry is about my son and how I think he had to spend the last five years without me in his life. This will be interesting because I think if my son could read this, he might understand why I am not in his life.

The short version about my son’s birth was that I get a call that he was born, then I get his weight and height. I also learn that he was born up in the thumb of Michigan and he has red hair and blue eyes. Most men would be ecstatic about having a son or any kid.  I wish I was happy to hear about his birth but I was saddened because I was not there. Most people would think of me not being there as an excuse but having no car is not an excuse. This was the start of many nights and days of not being there for him.

One year later, it is 2008 and I am slammed with paperwork for child support and other things. I do get visitation but for one day only. I was subjected to seeing my son for one day a week for eight hours. My day was Friday. Now if you know me, you know I work mostly weekends in Detroit. So I could not make it to see him. Again, most people would consider this an excuse but people think back then or now, it is easy to go anywhere in a car without paying money to put gas in the car and make a 6 hour round trip to see my son for a couple of hours. This was when my heart started to feel some sadness.

It is 2010, and my son is three years old. I was not there to see him walk, eat solid food, or help him pee on a toilet. According to my baby momma, she had male friends or her boyfriends do that. That means someone else is raising him. Again, most people would think I have nothing but excuses but I was busier trying to better my life so I can show my son that I am not lazy or a joke. However, I have never heard his voice or had the opportunity to hear him call me daddy. Instead I get paperwork from the courts wanting their money.

It is 2012, my son is five. He will be in kindergarten learning his ABCs and 123s. He knows the basics to speak and learn. He’s not a regular kid. He’s mixed. His mother is Caucasian and his birth father is Black. However, he does not know me. He knows his mommy. I am just an after though and also a joke. His father is someone that she is dating. My life after his birth has been a nightmare because of my lack of seeing and bonding with him. So as I write this, I think he will find me before he’s 18 years old. If not, then he will know that I do love him but my battle to see him has not been easy but hard and stressful. Happy Belated Birthday to my son. I hope someday, I get to celebrate a birthday with him.

I guess the best way to end this entry is to do this:

As a father, I am not a good one. I think my own father did a better job to see me and he was in my life. I will not see my son until he’s 18 or not at all. I hope he knows that I love him but I also hope he does not do what I did or make the same mistakes to lose someone like him.

Eugene Chandler III

March Madness: Spring Fever Madness

Dear Friends,

I have moved on. I have made some steps to start over and get my feet back into the dating world. I have started looking for someone not like AF or the other ex. I don’t want to experience someone like those women again. I want a real woman. I want someone that is not going to look at me and assume shit about me because that is not good. I have been thinking about my life since dating my best friend and I come to the realization that I want someone like her or someone new in my life. This is my blog about dating in this era of time.

I have said that I don’t date. I want a mate or someone that wants a husband and a provider in their life. Something my other ex neglected to see is that I am a good man to become a good father. Her issues were that she did not want an equal but a subordinate. She wanted someone to carry out her orders and not impose any justice. I am a provider and protector by nature. Someone wants that in their life not a scrub or a lazy ass. I might only work 6 to 8 months in a year but I bust my ass to provide for myself and others. I had to change my mind about dating because I want to have fun. I also want to see if I can find someone that clicks with me.

I use to say that I don’t have standards. I really had to think about why I did not have standards. Some men are picky about women. Some men want thin women. Some men want an education woman. Some men want a big woman that can cook. I think my standards are too low. I think that’s because of my ordeal in high school. That would also explain my dating experiences or lack there of in college. After dealing with AF and the other ex, I gained some insight on some of my past indecisions. I have found some women that are a hell of a lot better than AF and the other one. I might not have standards but I do have high hopes.

One of my biggest issues was the race of my girlfriends. I looked back since 1994. My first girlfriend in high school was white but left because her family did not want her with a black male. My college sweetheart was black. She was my heart back then. The mother of my son is white. So I have flipped back and forth from Caucasian women to Black women but I do date women. I just want someone to love not to hate me. Race is not an issue to me.

Finally, I think this time around, I might have to learn to be friends with a woman. I mean know them thoroughly because I think the lack of education about my past exes would have made me see what I was getting into. AF is the best example of my lack of not knowing what I was getting into. Same goes with my other ex because of the lack of information that was receive. Just like a woman that does not want to marry a murderer or a rapist, I don’t want to date a crazy bitch or a vindictive cunt. I might sound harsh but if you know my history, I have been through some shit.

I guess this is my time to get a friend or two. I want someone that is real and human. I don’t want a repeat of AF or the other ex. I want someone that is capable of real love, respect, and does not have trust issues. I guess for now, I will hope for someone that is not AF. That’s all for now but there is more to come.

Eugene Chandler III

March Madness: Probation Madness

Dear Friends,

Well I wish I was enjoying the first few days of spring. I want to be outside looking at the blue sky and looking at the flowers grow back to bloom. I have been speaking about the unseasonable weather in Michigan but the sad thing is that I have a personal storm brewing. I have said that I am moving on from my ex AF but the truth is that the shit I been through with the courts is getting to me. What puzzles me is the way my probation is playing out? I would think that I would be done paying for the drama of AF. The truth is that I am not. This is my view and opinion of the hell and stress of this past winter.

First of all, being on probation is a lot like being on a tether. There are so many places I want to go and things I want to do but can’t because of the limits. Every 3^rd Tuesday of the month since last July, I have been running down to Monroe to make sure I report to someone for five minutes. I wait close to one hour just to be seen for five minutes. I was suppose to be on probation for six months but I made it stretch out to close to a year. Between paying the fines and trying to live, that’s hard on the budget and also the mind. I already have a big fear of going to jail thanks to my baby momma and child support. So now, I have this probation officer that is gunning for me to do time in jail. I do that and I lose my job and my sense of freedom.

Second, probation is a joke. I am not guilty of anything but took a plea to avoid seeing AF and her family in court. I also did what I did to avoid any more issues with AF. Aside from taking her to small claims court, I have done nothing to provoke her. I said that probation is a joke, and I am right. That’s because I did not commit a major crime. I did not murder anyone. I did not rape anyone. I did not ever steal anything. So why am I treated like I am a murderer? My probation is a joke because part of my conditions requires me to go to classes for domestic violence and anger management. Men only learn that anger management and domestic violence classes make men more angry and violent. I sat through some classes just to be more upset and angry at myself. I did not do anything wrong except date AF again. That’s my true crime.

Third of all, being classified as a man that committed domestic violence makes it hard to date women. So most of these men will get branded and can’t get women because they will think you would beat them. Women don’t want a man that gets angry and beat them for any reason. I am convinced that if I don’t get off probation or get branded a wife beater then I will simply die alone. I guess I hope to be cleared but then again, I don’t want to be label a wife beater.

Fourth of all, this probation period is slowly killing my confidence. I say that because being in the court system is just as bad as jail except I am able to walk free for a while. I have tried my best to be positive but slowly, this whole process is killing me and I hope to get this monkey off my fucking back soon.

Finally, as I try to finish this entry, I think just getting my frustration off my chest is going to help me get through this ordeal. I have though that this will pass but then again nothing dealing with AF passes that easily. As I pray to god, I hope for the best but expect the worse. I don’t think I can do another stint in jail. I am not a harden criminal that is use to jail time. I am a free thinker that wants to live life and not be stuck in the motherfucking past. There will be more to come but that’s all for now.

Eugene Chandler III