New Year Revolution: Suicide in for pussies

Dear Friends,

My friend Melissa is the inspiration for this entry. As you know, I suffer from depression.  I have read up on things about depression and fighting it with and without drugs. My friend Melissa posted something about how some people are bitching about being depressed and wanting to kill themselves. This blog is about my simple reason for not being suicidal.

My biggest thing about being depressed and suicidal is that you eventually either got the balls to off yourself or you bitch about doing it but live to talk. I have had a deep depression that led to some of my worse decisions of my life. I would never kill myself because I want to see old age. I also want to die by God’s hands not by my own.

First thing about being suicidal is that your mind wants you to kill yourself. That’s because your mind is too weak to fight life’s challenges. I see this in teens more because their parents are hard on them. I laugh at this because I used my mother’s bitching as a way to get the fuck out when I graduated high school. I also used other people’s stress to fight my own. So I laugh at people that cannot stand to be yelled at. To me, you get yelled at no matter what. So with that said, people need to get use to the fact that life can be hard no matter that but killing yourself is not going to help no matter what your mind does to say different.

Suicide hurts the body. I say this because I have seen some gory shit with people offing themselves. Things like gun shots, hangings, and even overdosing does make the body weaker to what’s to come. People who survive get better but the body is weaker. I laugh at the fact that people who survive don’t show physical damage. The simple fact is that suicide is painful.

I will say this: If you can’t stand the heat, get the fuck out! Suicidal people can’t deal with stress. Weak minded people tend to bitch about how hard their life is. I was born with a mother that was an addict and a father that was barely around. I am depressed by design but I will NEVER off myself because of life. I get upset because to me, suicide is a bitch move. Even if you are about to die because you are surrounded by the cops, suicide is a punk move.

As I end this entry, I want to thank Melissa for bring this up but I want to thank her because she and others are the reason I will not off myself. Sometimes, it is easier to have people that help you deal with life’s choices than to be alone and punk out and off yourself.

Eugene Chandler III

New Year's Revolution: Dreams Shattered but Hope Not Lost

Dear Friends,

Yesterday, I was riding high when I was supposed to become a student at Lourdes College in Ohio. I had my id made; I got my schedule, and attended orientation. All I needed was the money to go to school. After ducking and dodging, I see the director of financial aid. I was filled with enthusiasm and hope but I left upset and filled with rage. She was not going to allow me to go to school because I would not have enough to go to school there. So I left Lourdes feeling pissed, and made at myself. Not because I should have been there in the fall but because I let something stop me from getting my life right. This blog is going to talk about what’s next for me and also how to adapt to life’s changes.

First and foremost, usually I would be bitching and moaning about shit life does to me. In 2012, I decided to change my game to better myself and also be more honest with things. So when this woman had the balls to say I can’t spend my money there because she doesn’t want to be responsible for me to not pay back my loans, I had to take a moment to think. This woman made her decision before I walked in. I wanted to go off on this woman but I though about something: she just closed one door. So I left and let that door close. Eventually I will kick another door down to get my life right.

As I was walking out of Lourdes, I decided to reply the conversation in my head. I understood her points about having the funds to finish school. I also understood that going to school can be expensive. However, unlike my determination to go to University of Detroit Mercy in 1996, I decided to not make that same mistake. Back in 1996 to 2001, I stayed at University of Detroit Mercy because I was scared to move on. I don’t have that fear now. So I walked out, cancelled my classes, and just decided to move forward and more on.

As I write this entry, I am filled with ideals and thoughts. I am reminded of my decision of going to Baker College in 2006. I did not think about things, I just left. I wish I could do that now but lack of funds and other issues prevent me from doing that. So I will get a plan formed and I will try to move on and forward. I will never let life get to me. I will basically show that I am still able to adapt. That’s all for this entry but there is more to come.

Eugene Chandler III

New Year Revolution: Journey To School and Betterment

Dear Friends,

Recently I started a journey that was supposed to make my life easier and find a distraction that would give me something to focus on. I got my Associates Degree back last April and was happy to get a degree. I want to continue by getting my Bachelors Degree. I took some time off but it was more so not time off but I was busy being in love or I though I was. When the end of 2011 came, I wanted to start 2012 by going to school. So I got everything together to go back to school. This is my journey to getting back to school.

First, school is a mental thing. When someone goes to college, you have to be mentally ready for the classes. You also have to be mentally ready for life’s challenges. Life tends to make school harder because life is fluid. No matter what you do, you have to adapt to life. So my thing is that, I had to mentally prepare myself to get back to being a student. What people don’t realize is that the world we live in now is hinged on the fact that education is a key. You cannot have a career without a degree. You can get a job without a degree but people want a career.

Second, school is physical. You have to have a body to go to school. What I mean is that you have to be fit to carry books, running to class, or even walking in and out of class. I think being physically fit to go to school is a blessing and a curse. I have seen pregnant women come to class and struggle to get in and out of class. I have seen men older than myself coming in with canes, wheelchairs and walkers. My point is that you have to be fit to move fluidly in and out of classes.

Third, school is spiritual. I find that school helps the soul. If you join a group or a cause, it helps people believe there is more to life than themselves. For the exception on frats and sororities, I think school is a supplement of religion to some people. I say that because school enriches people to become more aware of things in life. I think people confuse this with passion. There is a difference between passion for something and just doing something for the greater good. I don’t do things because I am passionate, I do it for the greater good.

Basically, I see school as a way to get your shit together. If you are tired of your life, school changes life. Even though most people shun school but I think people needs to do something to be better. Right now, I am about to embark of a journey to change my life. So I hope you will do the same. That’s all for now, but there is more to come.

Eugene Chandler III

New Year Revolution: Asinine Laws of Michigan

Dear Friends,

Something I seen on evening news is bothering me to no end. I really think that Michigan is backwards not only with their laws and also how they enforce them. Especially when it comes to the levels of enforcement of state laws and also what gets you put in jail. I was watching a story about the county wanting to build a new jail because there is no room for murderers, rapists, and drug dealers. What upset me more so is that they have the room but rather to put them in the jail they let them run free with a tracking device. However, in the state of Michigan they have no problem for throwing men in jail for missing a show cause hearing about child support. So it is ok for murderers to walk free in Detroit but if you owe child support in Decker and miss the hearing about when they get their money, you get 30 days? Even when a murderer misses a court hearing they might be wanted but explain why child support is higher to punish than murder. This blog is about the fuck up ways that Michigan in my opinion is dumb with their logic with the law.

I owe child support for my son. Most men owe because the counties they live in either wait too long or wait until there is a large amount due. I am not bitching about paying child support but since when is debt punishable. Well since I love reading the law, there are laws in the books that make owing money to the state of Michigan is a felony. Actually, I think it is more so if you are a deadbeat dad. I am not because they take money out to pay my debt. However, because I missed a hearing because I don’t have a car to drive up there, I am wanted by the law. What kills me is that owing the state of Michigan money is just as bad as selling drugs or robbing a bank. Most men who want a wife and kids would not have this problem because they have a family. However, when you have a man and woman that are going in separate directions and they have a kid, it’s different. What upsets me even more is that the state becomes involve because the mom will end up on welfare and also be forced to put a father on the birth certificate. I will keep saying that Michigan is backwards.

I know people that have been arrested for assault, theft, and rape. Now unlike what I am going through with child support these guys and gals are walking free. Even if they miss a hearing, they are free still. Some of them might be in hiding from the law but I find it funny that they either have a tracking device or can walk in and out of jail. Again, why is it harder for men who owe child support than men who do something worse?

Michigan law is crazy because these laws are more for the poor and minorities. That might sound racist but most of it is true. If you commit a crime in Detroit, the way the law is set works in the favor of the criminal. However, if you commit a crime in Bloomfield Hills or Decker, they will do everything in their power to fry you. People are doing more crimes because times are tough. I agree but I will also add that most people try to live life normally and still end up getting screwed.

So you want to explain to me why the law is different for real felons as oppose to others? I am not a felon. I don’t have a record for armed robbery or arson. I owe child support. In the eyes of the Attorney General of Michigan, the county of Sanilac, and even DHS: I am more wanted than killing 10 people. You have to love that owing a debt to the state of Michigan is a crime now. I could fight and change the law but since fighting the law can and will hurt in the long run; I am doing my best to keep my sanity. You have to love the laws of the land. That’s going to be it for now but there will be more soon.

Eugene Chandler III

New Year's Revolution: Friends Are Like....

Dear Friends,

Welcome to 2012! Normally, I would have written after New Year’s Day but I wanted to do it at least after the hype of being in a new year. I also did not realize that this is a leap year, so there will be an extra day and also extra time. So I am happy to see a new year but I am hoping that the same shit from last year will not creep in. With that said, I am going to start this blog with something my mother asked me on New Year’s Day: Who are your real friends? What’s funny is that the word real is something that most people today do not click with. We live in a world where our friends can be in other countries, cities, states, or continents. Real friends are hard to come by because people want people of like minds not people to hurt them or use them. So my first blog of 2012 is going to answer that question: Who are your real friends?

I remember something I saw in one of the Madea plays about people are either here for a reason or here for a season. I definitely believe in that because in my life, there are so many people I forgot because they were not real friends to me. Even when I remember these people, I laugh because they were only in my life for their purposes.  I have said that I do have real friends but most of them I know tend to not want to deal with me. Most people these days have short patience and even shorter tolerance for shit. My thing is that friendship in the 21^st century is skewed because of what I said earlier about location of the friend.

Something else that comes to mind is that friendships are like trees. When you start a friendship, it is like growing a tree. You have to water it and tend to it. Some friendships bloom into something else because there is something there. People say that men and women cannot be friends because sex comes into play. I believe them because sex is something that comes up. No matter what men and women cannot be friends at all. What intrigues me even more is how same sex relationships end up. We all hear stories of how two women in college can make out or how two men got drunk and had sex. Now I am not against same sex relationships, but I think even those relationships start off slow and grow. I guess my point is that a friendship does grow into something else but it depends on something.

Friendships are just like relationships. You have to make things new and interesting. What’s weird is that a lot of my friendships I do treat like this. I do have friends I go to lunch or dinner with. I do find fun things to do with my friends. However, I try to keep in mind that most of my friends are women and they either have lovers or see me as a brother. I still do things to make and keep friends. It is not that hard to do that but some might see this as wasted time because most men end up having sex with their female friends and vice versa.

So my answer to that question is simple: I have real friends. I have friends that are close to me and some that I could call on. I use to think I was alone but as I started this year, I have people that care if I live or die. I also have people that I feel are close as family and some that were more than friends. I do think men and women cannot be friends but I have done my best to not date anymore of my friends. This is not the end of this issue but that’s all for now.

Eugene Chandler III