New Years Revolution: Family Craziness

Dear Friends,

Usually when I talk to my mother, it is an interesting mix of nostalgia and lunacy. However, something that my mother said made me think about something I talked about constantly in my blogs. My mother shared to me that depression runs in the family. So I guess that and other things run on my mother’s side. So as I decided to do some research, I found out that depression, bi-polar, and personality disorders all are hereditary. Well I guess that explains a lot. So I am going to discuss something that I also realized.

First of all, I have said before many times in the last few years that I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2004, however it goes back to 1995. My mother was diagnosed with bi-polar and depression in 2009 but it goes back to the 1980’s. My grandmother was diagnosed with something related but no one wants to discuss it with me. So basically, I inherited some form of lunacy in my life.

So after finding out that I inherit being crazy, which means I should get help. That’s easier said than done because there is not that much help for people with depression or worse. I think that sometimes it is easier to admit something than getting help for it. I know I am borderline crazy but if it is hereditary then I need to do something. Also it is hard to realize that there is a fine line between being crazy and fighting to be sane. Something I been doing since 1997.

So as I continue to move on and live life, I have to see that this is something I need to think about. Also it explains a lot about my mood, my mind set and also my lack of patience. Well I am going to do something to make my life better but one thing that I come to realize is that if I don’t do something about this, I could end up being institutionalized. I guess for now, this will be continued for another day. I will hope to be able to do more as the months come. Good by for now.

Eugene Chandler III

New Years Revolution: Counting Down To My Son's Birthday

Dear Friends,

Today is the 6^th of January. As I look on the calendar, I think about all the birthdays and also the anniversaries of things that occurred in recent history. One thing that always makes me sad and depressed is the fact that my son’s birthday is more or less than two months away. He will be six this year. As I think about my son, I noticed that kids I don’t know or kids that see me at work are drawn to me. I wish I knew why. Even before my son came into the world, kids would come to me. So I want to talk about why this is going on and also why is this worse now that I have a son.

Last month, I was at work and I had three different kids come up to me for no reason. Usually when kids come to me at work I am selling something they want like pop or candy. This has been happening since I turned 18. I was at college and one of my friend’s nieces walked to me and wanted me to pick them up. At first this was disconcerting to me because it was a strange thing to see but about three weeks later, three kids at a park walked to me for no reason. I wish I could explain why but later I figured it out.

I did some research about this and found out something very interesting about kids and depression. Basically, kids and pets can sense when someone is sad or depressed. I do suffer from depression and also feel like when I am really depressed, kids flock to me. Regardless of if it is kids I know or kids I don’t know, it is hard to be depressed in front of a kid. As I got older, the kids are flocking to me more and more. I wish this was something that can be fixed but it is not that easy.

Finally, I would love to not be depressed because it is easy to be happy but harder to make yourself happy. Kids can sense depression but cannot cure it. Something I wish for no matter what is to be a father but that’s not going to happen overnight. Same thing goes with strange kids flocking to me to cure my depression. I guess as I continue through this new year, maybe something will change in this because since I am a father with no son, it is not going to be easy to be around kids and not feel emotional. So until next time, move on and move forward.

Eugene Chandler III