Dear Friends,
Recently, I was talk to an ex girlfriend and as she was
talking about her life after being with me. As she was talking about her new
boyfriend, her life, and working again, it made me come to a realization that I
have been avoiding. Many people realize that they are good at something in
life. Some people are athletes, or gifted but other just have one good thing
and the rest is basically shitty. My gift is that I can be a good friend and
confidant. However, it seems like I cannot be a good boyfriend or even a good
lover. I would love to admit this as a false statement but it is something that
is very true. So I want to explore why I am a good friend but cannot keep a
woman in my life.
First, it is weird that I am a better friend than a good
lover or boyfriend. I guess because it is different to be a friend and not have
feelings than be a boyfriend and want their love. About most of my
relationships were friendships that went beyond that. It is easy to be a friend
because you don’t expect anything. Friends are people you know will not hurt
you or fuck you over. However, in some cases, friends do fuck you over. Women
tend to be friends with men they are not attracted to or plainly gay. Men tend
to be friends with women but not for same reason. Men are friends with women
but most men find a way to be more than a friend to have sex or use them.
However, unless if the woman is a lesbian then most men would move on because
men are threatened by a lesbian who wants the same woman. It is the same thing
with a woman who is friends with a gay man but most straight men won’t go for a
gay man but women will go to a lesbian. I know I went off topic a bit but the
point is that friendships differ between sexes.
Second, it is difficult to admit that as a friend I want to
be more but I think it is because of that person. My best friend and I been
through a lot and even though we are not speaking right now, I still care about
her. I use her a lot because she is the prime example of a true friendship but
also what can go wrong in a friendship. When you are friends with someone for a
long time, you forget that the other person could be someone you want to be
with. She and I were perfect for each other in my opinion but we had to break
the barrier between friends and lovers. That took like eight or nine years to
get passed that. Once we were together, it was good but the reality of things
were that we were good as friends but the relationship ruined that. I really
think my biggest issue is that women can be friends with a man because they
want to be safe but men want to be friends with women for sex and pleasure. We
all know most men think with their penises
Something else that I noticed about myself as a friend is
that being a friend is about being selfless. Why is it that a true friend can
be selfless and not be about themselves or have an agenda? I spoke about how
some men do have an agenda and want to be friends with a woman just to fuck
them. Same could be said about a woman wanting to be friends with a man just to
fuck them but either way it is more than sex but about greed or something more
heinous. A selfless person tends to have friends but a person who wants
something has none. That really is something I never fully understand.
I have spoken about this before but something that is worth
mentioning is that most of my relationships ended badly. I think I had a few
that did not have cops or family members escorting me away from my ex or their
place. However, I have never had a friendship ended badly. Either we are still
friends, or we moved on and away from each other. So why is it that I can be a
friend and if the friendship is over I can move on but if I love this person or
fall in love with this person, it is harder to let go and move on.
Finally, it is easy to say that being a friend is not easy
these days but being a lover is harder and more difficult. As I was speaking to
my ex, it was hard to be a friend because she was bragging about her boyfriend
being better than me and living with her and stuff. The sad truth is that being
an ex to her is hard but being a friend to her has been harder. I rather be a
friend and not have feelings than be a friend and want them or have feelings.
Either way, it is hard to be a friend no matter what. However, it is easy to be
a friend if there is a mutual respect there.
