November To Remember: Pictures Worth More Than Words.......

Dear Friends,


Picutres are something that keeps a dream or happy times bottled up forever. I say that because when you look at a picture of someone, you wish it lasted. Whether it is a family member that has passed but in the picture look young and happy or someone you hate now but before the hatred began, a picture of that person made you happy. I have learned that pictures do capture the soul of happier times. I have had people ask me why I don't take a lot of pictures and I choose not to see myself as I was. I don't smile and usually am upset, pissed or tired. However, when I see a picture of myself with an ex girlfriend, it reminds me of a happier times. So as I was looking through my many pictures of the last few years, there were some pictures that made me happy but in hind sight made me sad. Originally, I was going to show the pics but I don't want my exes to come at me and be pissed. As for trying to describe them, I suck at description of a picture. So I am going to do this like this: I am going to recall dates and hope to see if I was really happy or really sad.

February 2009: This was the first picture I saw with my ex AF. I actually was smiling and so was she. However looking at that pic now, I was not happy but masking something else. I realized that if I knew what was to come with AF, I might have never taken that picture or even dated AF. I wished I did not say that but the truth hurts and I hate feeling the truth about AF.

June 2008: I took a picture of me and my best friend. I see that picture and I wish I could have never let her go. Otu of all the women I love and lost, this one hurts the worst. I say that because when you date someone that you started off as a friend, it is going to hurt even worse when you have to let them go. I cry everytime I look at her picture.

November 2007: My favorite picture of KS was us having fun and drinking. I have been speaking with her and this is another woman that letting go was a mistake. I see her and want to not only help but to get her and move on. However, the truth is that as much as I want a happy ending, I keep remembering what could happen again. So I tear up when I see this picture.

May 2005: This was the last picture that I was looking at. This was the one picture that I knew would piss me off. I also knew that this picture was going to make my blood boil and my soul light on fire. This was the pic of CB and I when we went out to dinner. At the time, I was happy but looking back, I know I was not happy. Thinking about this picture makes me want to scream and cry because I will always hate this women. I know hate is a strong word but I hate this woman.

I know it was hard to see what I saw in these pictures. The women I mention knows what picture I am talking about. I just wanted you all to see that a picture is a gateway to the soul of your life. I wish I could make you see what I saw. However, if you have read my blogs and know the history, you know what my point was with this. I usually make a good point but it is hard to do that without the visual. So let me end this entry with this image for you all: For the last few years, I have been happy with some but depressed with others. I think as I turn the page to someone else, I bring the baggage of the past. I am done doing that. I have been alone and always will be alone. I just hope the next time I take a picture with someone that this is someone that will not make me regret it.






Eugene Chandler III