Dear Friends,
As you might not know, I decided to date. If you also know me, you know I hate doing it because I just want to find someone and deal with one person. So I am dealing with one person. Now she does not want to be singled out but if you are on my Facebook page, you will figure out who it is. Now before I get flooded with emails or comments, let me explain what’s going on. Basically I made a promise to myself that I am not going to do like I did with my ex Andrea. Actually, this woman is not like her. She a woman first and someone I have known since before 1999.
In my journey to rediscover myself, I am learning that I can be a better man to a real woman. My first mistake was dating someone attached to mommy at the hip. Sometimes a person has to distinguish the difference between being in love and just passing time. I also made the mistake of letting something or someone cloud my mind while with my ex. I am thinking clearly now. Now, basically this person I have been seeing is more supportive and caring. She and I both are going to school to better ourselves. She will be done in August then she will be going to get her bachelor’s degree. I will be going to school for my bachelor’s in the fall as well. We both want more in our lives. Something my ex is incapable of thinking about or wanting to do.
Like I said, I cannot mention her name or anything else about her because she wants me to keep her private. I respect that. She also respects why I blog and more. I can say that she’s a lot like me in personality, thought process, and even life views. That’s something I need to have right now in my life. I thank god for being blessed with her in my life. With all that said, it is something of a miracle that I got blessed with her during the short amount of time since being out of jail for child support. A lot of what I had to deal with has tested me and being blessed with this woman is a bonus. I am not trying to brag but this woman along with my real friends help me this past month.
Sometimes in life, you need a helping hand and I had many helping hands. One thing that I wish I could have taken a picture of was seeing the sun rise off the Detroit River and us seeing the sun rise and also us sitting along the river. That moment is engraved in my mind forever. I am a romantic at heart and that would have been a perfect ending to a love story. For now, I am working on being at peace with my life. Something I finally learned is that I should not be scared to be alone because I am not alone. I might be an only child but I was blessed with many brothers, sisters, and friends. There’s more to come.
Eugene Chandler III
Friday, July 15, 2011
Summer Showdown: One Most Step To Go
Dear Friends,
Well one more obstacle to go until I am free from the hell caused by my ex Andrea. I learned my recommendation for my probation. There will be no jail time and that’s a relief for me. I will have to go to a group therapy for some weeks and also a short time dealing with probation. That means I got to pee for them and be clean of drugs and alcohol. What is funny is that if this all goes well, my 2012 will be a clean one. Thank god for small miracles and my winning personality.
The aspect of being on parole does make it seem like I am guilty of something but I think I chose the right path. This journey I am going through is making me see that I need to be a better lover and person. I know I have anger issues. I have been known to control it but sometimes it is hard to keep my calm. So for now, I am going to change some of my life to accommodate what’s to come. I was basically a bundle of nerves all day because I knew this recommendation would either make or break me. Like with a lot of parole issues, this is going to cost me some cash. Thank god it will not be as much as I was expecting. The next woman I am with is not going to put me through all this hell. Actually the next woman I am with is going to be it for me. That’s my final answer with that.
As I was talking to the parole officer, all I could do was be honest and forthcoming. Why lie about anything because he will find out anyways. It does upset me that I might see Andrea during my sentencing at the end of the month. Knowing that vindictive bitch, she might come in there to make it hell for me. That’s sad that I cannot even be nice to her because in my eyes, she a sorry excuse of a person. I know some people hate for me to call this person names or take the low road but if you met her, you might be inclined to call her what you want. No matter what happens from here on out, she is nothing but the nasty bitch that caused all this drama because she could not stand what I said about messy people. Words do hurt some people most of the time.
I am basically working, then some free time, some more dates, and eventually a concert that I am excited to work. Two more weeks then a part of this drama will be over. No more being scared of going to court. I am not use to going to court like this. I am not even use to going through the court system in such a short amount of time. I just hope that once this is done, I can work towards completing my life goals. That’s all for now but more to come.
Eugene Chandler III
Well one more obstacle to go until I am free from the hell caused by my ex Andrea. I learned my recommendation for my probation. There will be no jail time and that’s a relief for me. I will have to go to a group therapy for some weeks and also a short time dealing with probation. That means I got to pee for them and be clean of drugs and alcohol. What is funny is that if this all goes well, my 2012 will be a clean one. Thank god for small miracles and my winning personality.
The aspect of being on parole does make it seem like I am guilty of something but I think I chose the right path. This journey I am going through is making me see that I need to be a better lover and person. I know I have anger issues. I have been known to control it but sometimes it is hard to keep my calm. So for now, I am going to change some of my life to accommodate what’s to come. I was basically a bundle of nerves all day because I knew this recommendation would either make or break me. Like with a lot of parole issues, this is going to cost me some cash. Thank god it will not be as much as I was expecting. The next woman I am with is not going to put me through all this hell. Actually the next woman I am with is going to be it for me. That’s my final answer with that.
As I was talking to the parole officer, all I could do was be honest and forthcoming. Why lie about anything because he will find out anyways. It does upset me that I might see Andrea during my sentencing at the end of the month. Knowing that vindictive bitch, she might come in there to make it hell for me. That’s sad that I cannot even be nice to her because in my eyes, she a sorry excuse of a person. I know some people hate for me to call this person names or take the low road but if you met her, you might be inclined to call her what you want. No matter what happens from here on out, she is nothing but the nasty bitch that caused all this drama because she could not stand what I said about messy people. Words do hurt some people most of the time.
I am basically working, then some free time, some more dates, and eventually a concert that I am excited to work. Two more weeks then a part of this drama will be over. No more being scared of going to court. I am not use to going to court like this. I am not even use to going through the court system in such a short amount of time. I just hope that once this is done, I can work towards completing my life goals. That’s all for now but more to come.
Eugene Chandler III
Summer Showdown: Eye of The Storm
Dear Friends,
A couple of days ago, it was about to rain and storm, I am reminded of my childhood. I would remember being in my room alone with the TV off and just listening to the thunder and lightening. For some reason, storms calm me down and make me slow down my pace. I need some calm in my life right now. A normal storm and what I am going through are different in strength. A normal storm comes with rain, wind, and leaves damage. The storm I am dealing with comes with stress, loss, and eventually damages that can never be fixed. I feel like things could be better but of course they are getting worse.
I am not as strong of a person as I use to be. I use to be able to deal with stress and life like a pro. However, in my older years, I think my tolerance of stress is getting weaker by the day. I allowed a lot of shit to get to me. I allowed too many people to get in my head and my heart. My armor is losing the luster and shine it use to have. Something I keep thinking about is what if I never did this or that in my life. Or maybe if I changed this or that in my life, changes does make things either better or worse. The storm of life tends to make life harder or easier on a person. I wish my life was easy but it is not. I was born into a rough life and no matter what will have things rough.
As I look outside and see the dark clouds, the rain drops and feel the calm before the storm, I think about what’s to come. What’s to come for me is my 33rd birthday and also going to back to school to get my bachelor’s degree. Also what’s to come is my final go at love and being a better man. As this storm comes towards me, I am going to make my final stand of changing my life and letting go of the stress of my past. I am getting tired of the same thing in my life. Get dumped, then move on, then find someone new then stress at work, stress from the past, and finally get dumped again. I am tired of this cycle. I know people will say stop your bitching. To those people, I say I’m not bitching but tired of déjà vu. For now, it is time to get soaked by the storm and hope the rain washes away the pain and stress. There will be more to come.
Eugene Chandler III
A couple of days ago, it was about to rain and storm, I am reminded of my childhood. I would remember being in my room alone with the TV off and just listening to the thunder and lightening. For some reason, storms calm me down and make me slow down my pace. I need some calm in my life right now. A normal storm and what I am going through are different in strength. A normal storm comes with rain, wind, and leaves damage. The storm I am dealing with comes with stress, loss, and eventually damages that can never be fixed. I feel like things could be better but of course they are getting worse.
I am not as strong of a person as I use to be. I use to be able to deal with stress and life like a pro. However, in my older years, I think my tolerance of stress is getting weaker by the day. I allowed a lot of shit to get to me. I allowed too many people to get in my head and my heart. My armor is losing the luster and shine it use to have. Something I keep thinking about is what if I never did this or that in my life. Or maybe if I changed this or that in my life, changes does make things either better or worse. The storm of life tends to make life harder or easier on a person. I wish my life was easy but it is not. I was born into a rough life and no matter what will have things rough.
As I look outside and see the dark clouds, the rain drops and feel the calm before the storm, I think about what’s to come. What’s to come for me is my 33rd birthday and also going to back to school to get my bachelor’s degree. Also what’s to come is my final go at love and being a better man. As this storm comes towards me, I am going to make my final stand of changing my life and letting go of the stress of my past. I am getting tired of the same thing in my life. Get dumped, then move on, then find someone new then stress at work, stress from the past, and finally get dumped again. I am tired of this cycle. I know people will say stop your bitching. To those people, I say I’m not bitching but tired of déjà vu. For now, it is time to get soaked by the storm and hope the rain washes away the pain and stress. There will be more to come.
Eugene Chandler III
Summer Showdown: My First Love Revisted
Dear Friends,
Do you remember your first love? Do you remember the person that made you realize what love is? I wrote in an earlier blog about giving love one more try. I have said it before but I mean it this time. However, before I go that route to giving up on love, I wanted to see if anyone can remember the first real person they fell in love with. I would answer that question with a girl name La Keisha back in elementary school. However, I changed that to my high school sweetheart. I change it because something so brief turned into something that lasted years later. I came into the realization that my image of a real woman stemmed from her. I felt something in her that I wish I held on to now. My alpha woman was and still is her.
I have talked about my high school sweetheart both in a positive and negative light. I was upset that she left the way she did. I was upset that it did not progress to something more. I was even pissed that we had to end things. However, after learning the reasons why things happened the way it did, I am not upset at her or anyone. I did go through high school putting on a happy face but also living in the dark. I have said that I do things late in life. I did not lose my virginity officially until later in life. I did not ride a bike until close to my teens. I did not drive a car until close to 25. Even being a father close to 30. I lived my life trying to find this ideal of what I wanted in a woman. She is my alpha to everything.
A couple of years ago, I found this woman that I been deeply in love with since high school. Thank god for the internet because I would not have found her. We been talking and letting things run its course. I let go of the feelings I had since high school. What’s funny is that she is exactly what I wanted in a woman. She also exceeds my image of what I want in a woman. Once you have an ideal of your dream woman, never let it go. So do I remember my first love? I do. The memory of the person I fell in love with and the person she became never really changed. I question fate sometimes because fate tends to play cruel jokes on people. I had some good times with other women but she is the only woman I should have been with. Now that she’s back into my life, I am going to make the most of what fate provides.
I want to give some advice to people that feel the same way I feel about this woman. If you have someone that you feel kindred with, then never let them go. Love is something that cannot be explained. I have seen so many friends find love with someone that click with physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I never had that except with this woman. Young love tends to show you what’s to come. I believe that. So with that said, I am thankful to have this woman in my life. My first love is something I will hold on to because of the other things I have lost in life. There will be more to come.
Eugene Chandler III
Summer Showdown: Not The Greatest Lover
Dear Friends,
Last night, for the first time in over 15 years, I started to remember why when it comes to love; I suck at being a great boyfriend. This stemmed from my teen years. Most teens learn about love and lost during those years in high school. I have told the story of my high school sweetheart so many times that I lost count. Even the events that led to the break up have been somewhat a legend to those who know me. However, I never learned to be a great boyfriend. I might be single now but that’s only because of the events of May. When it comes to loving someone, I know I can do it. At the same time, I know I suck at being a great boyfriend. This one relationship made things for the next four years hard to deal with and eventually showed me that I am not a great man to be in love with.
My love life started in high school. There are a lot of things that causes me to figure that I am not the man of most women’s dreams. Even though I think I am better now, I still think any woman that wants to be with me have to go through so much shit to even get my love. My high school sweetheart was not only my alpha to my love life but she is the only person I truly loved. She did not make me a shitty lover but the events that occurred did. I can say that if I saw her again, I would do anything to get her love and heart. However the women after her got someone that came into a relationship half cocked. I have been able to gain knowledge in everything else but love and relationships elude me. I have had two relationships where it did not blow up in my face or end badly. Both women are still close to me but after my dealings with Andrea, I am giving love one more shot before letting go of the ideal of love for good.
So did I ever become a great lover? Well it depends on who you ask that question. I can spoil a woman. I can make them feel appreciated. I can make them feel wanted. However, I cannot keep them happy. That’s only because of what I am doing. Most of my relationships were either friends with benefits that I tried to turn into more or something that I could not deal with. Even my baby momma was a rebound relationship that was turning into something more but ended because I moved on. I said that I am giving myself one more chance to show that I am a great lover. I can be a man to some woman’s dreams. We will see about that. There will be more to come.
Eugene Chandler III
Last night, for the first time in over 15 years, I started to remember why when it comes to love; I suck at being a great boyfriend. This stemmed from my teen years. Most teens learn about love and lost during those years in high school. I have told the story of my high school sweetheart so many times that I lost count. Even the events that led to the break up have been somewhat a legend to those who know me. However, I never learned to be a great boyfriend. I might be single now but that’s only because of the events of May. When it comes to loving someone, I know I can do it. At the same time, I know I suck at being a great boyfriend. This one relationship made things for the next four years hard to deal with and eventually showed me that I am not a great man to be in love with.
My love life started in high school. There are a lot of things that causes me to figure that I am not the man of most women’s dreams. Even though I think I am better now, I still think any woman that wants to be with me have to go through so much shit to even get my love. My high school sweetheart was not only my alpha to my love life but she is the only person I truly loved. She did not make me a shitty lover but the events that occurred did. I can say that if I saw her again, I would do anything to get her love and heart. However the women after her got someone that came into a relationship half cocked. I have been able to gain knowledge in everything else but love and relationships elude me. I have had two relationships where it did not blow up in my face or end badly. Both women are still close to me but after my dealings with Andrea, I am giving love one more shot before letting go of the ideal of love for good.
So did I ever become a great lover? Well it depends on who you ask that question. I can spoil a woman. I can make them feel appreciated. I can make them feel wanted. However, I cannot keep them happy. That’s only because of what I am doing. Most of my relationships were either friends with benefits that I tried to turn into more or something that I could not deal with. Even my baby momma was a rebound relationship that was turning into something more but ended because I moved on. I said that I am giving myself one more chance to show that I am a great lover. I can be a man to some woman’s dreams. We will see about that. There will be more to come.
Eugene Chandler III
Summer Showdown: State of Happiness
Dear Friends,
I am going to end this week not bearing bad news. This is a something new for me because I am on the road to getting a better life. I have been so use to having shitty weeks and also dealing with some shitty dealings from people I was cool with. I am thankful for this moment of brevity and happiness. Even feeling happy is something new to deal with. No more being truly depressed and wanting to feel sorry for myself. I am also glad to clear out the haters, the cynics and those who expect me to fail.
Being in the state of happiness is giving me something to work towards. I want to be able to be around people and not be a kill joy or a sour puss. Even going to work this week is going to be interesting because nothing is going to bother me. A friend told me about wearing my fuck you armor and I finally got that shit built and ready to use it. So from now on, I am not going to worry about others but concentrate on myself first. That’s something I been dying to do for a long time.
I woke up today thanking god for seeing another day. I am praying for all my family and friends to get better and wiser. Some much shit is going on in the world and locally. We all need to do more to help. I hope to help soon. For now, I am eager to start this week off right and let things bounce off my armor and move on with my life. There will be more to come in the coming weeks.
Eugene Chandler III
I am going to end this week not bearing bad news. This is a something new for me because I am on the road to getting a better life. I have been so use to having shitty weeks and also dealing with some shitty dealings from people I was cool with. I am thankful for this moment of brevity and happiness. Even feeling happy is something new to deal with. No more being truly depressed and wanting to feel sorry for myself. I am also glad to clear out the haters, the cynics and those who expect me to fail.
Being in the state of happiness is giving me something to work towards. I want to be able to be around people and not be a kill joy or a sour puss. Even going to work this week is going to be interesting because nothing is going to bother me. A friend told me about wearing my fuck you armor and I finally got that shit built and ready to use it. So from now on, I am not going to worry about others but concentrate on myself first. That’s something I been dying to do for a long time.
I woke up today thanking god for seeing another day. I am praying for all my family and friends to get better and wiser. Some much shit is going on in the world and locally. We all need to do more to help. I hope to help soon. For now, I am eager to start this week off right and let things bounce off my armor and move on with my life. There will be more to come in the coming weeks.
Eugene Chandler III
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