Birthday Blowout 2013: My 35th Birthday

Dear Friends,

As I sit here writing this entry, it is officially my 35^th birthday, even though my mother officially considers me born at exactly 11:57pm which is the time I was born into the world. My birthday is very much a paradox to me because so much has occurred in and around this date. I have talked about my 21^st birthday to death. My 25^th birthday was fun and exciting. My 30^th birthday was during a bad time in my life. Even my 33^rd birthday was filled with kids and cake. Last year, it was crazy. It is fitting, that I spend this birthday at peace with my life right now. I usually have a coherent theme with my blogs but for today, I am going to truly ramble a bit about my life as it is now.

My birthday to me is like my new year. I have said it before and will keep saying it. I start a new birth year with different goals. What’s hard to me is that after 15 years of being on my own and being self sufficient, it still shocks me that life is moving forward but most people hold on to the past. As you get older, memories is all you got. What surprises me is that if memories are all you got then why is it hard to let go. My birthday should be a time to let go of the past and move on. However, the past is what makes our present and future interesting.

My life plan goes as followed: career, wife, kids, life, retirement, death. That was my life plan from nineteen to about twenty-five. Somewhere past being twenty-five, my life plans changed for the worse. Also add on the fact that depression makes it hard to keep a clear mind and also a very positive attitude in life. Actually, being depressed has helped me in getting my thoughts out in the open. Doing these entries have given me clarity in some aspects in my life. My life plan as of my birthday is much simpler and clearer. It goes something like this: job, wife, one more child, life, and finally death. At this point, I will be happy not being alone in my life.

As I celebrate my birthday, I want to try to stop sounding like a broken record. I don’t want to constantly repeat my life’s mistakes via blog. It seems like since I started to write these blogs, I see what mistakes I made and could do something to prevent it. I am a big proponent of prevention of fuck ups and life mistakes. My birthday is something I want to consider as me wiping the slate clean. I try my best to do that but seem like for every time I clean my plate, someone wants to add more shit in it. So with that said: Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!!!! Hopefully next year is better than this year.

Eugene Chandler III

Birthday Blowout 2013: Day 14 of 20

Dear Friends,

In about six days, it will be my 35^th birthday. However, today is my father’s 60^th birthday. One of the funniest things I experience in my life is coincidences. My father and I were both born in August. I was suppose to be born in July but took too long and came out in August. What is funnier to me is that my stepmother is born in August as well. Here’s the coincidence: Within six days, there will be three birthdays. Today is my father’s birthday, then it is my stepmother, and finally it is mines. Seeing that today’s focus is my father and the comparison to how I feel as a younger person, which will be the focus of this entry.  

In a previous entry, I talked about how my parents are getting older and the people they were are not the people they are now, especially with my father and his failing health and the fact that he is an amputee and a diabetic. I see that and pray that I don’t end up being like that. I am questioning my health but know that I control my destiny. I laugh that I do have that right to make sure I don’t end up like my father. Seeing my father in and out the hospital is something I want to avoid when I am his age. What is funny to me is that my father and I are 25 years apart. It is funny to know that when I was born, he just turned 25 years old.

Another thing that bothers me is that my father married my stepmother two and a half years after I was born. Their marriage does not bother me but the fact that my father married young does. One of my most important goals in my life is to be married. I don’t want a marriage like my father’s because I don’t think it is right to allow one person to rule the kingdom. I have the ideology that marriage is share responsibilities and shared decision making.

One more thing, I rarely speak about my father because he was not in my life for many years. My father’s inaction is one thing that I was trying to avoid with my situation with my son. However, unlike me and my father, my son and I don’t know each other. My father was close enough to know where I was and I was able to know my father’s family. My son as of now does not know I exist. So I hope to avoid what I had to deal with my son. Until that day comes, all I can do is pray. Happy birthday to you, Daddy……….

Eugene Chandler III

Birthday Blowout 2013: Day 1 of 20

Dear Friends,

Today is August 1^st. I have exactly 19 more days until my 35^th birthday. The reality of seeing this age boggles my mind. I say that because it is a milestone to me. I started with turning eighteen, then twenty-one, then twenty-five, then thirty. Now as I am close to being 35 years old, it is another milestone that I am blessed to see. Like I said before that I am happy to be older and wiser but not lacking dreams or realities. Thirty five is close to the middle of the road. I am past thirty and close to forty. I wanted to examine some things that I know I cannot do anymore and things I need to get ready for.

In the things I cannot do anymore, no more acting like a kid. In your twenties, it is ok to do childish things like play outside and go to amusement parks. Even in your early thirties, it is ok. As I got older, I know going to Cedar Point is out. I have had many experiences being on a ride at amusement parks and county fairs with young kids. I know as I am getting older, I cannot be near a young kid unless I know them or related to them. Another thing is I cannot do anymore is play with younger kids. As a teen or older, it was fun to rough house with younger kids. Playing with a kid is like playing with a ball of energy. As I get older, I know I cannot play with my niece and younger nephew because I don’t want to hurt them or pull something on my body.

In things I need to prepare for it is certain that as I approach forty, I know that the mid life crisis is coming. What’s funny is that I have no money to buy a fast car or fancy house. Also, I know I will not get a younger woman unless they are a whore or a gold digging bitch. I don’t want to try to be young again. My most horrifying memories were when I was younger and also I don’t want to try to be a kid again. Another thing I need to prepare for after I get past my thirties is the constant doctor’s exams. One thing I know I am not ready for is checking for things that could kill me. My family has had cancer, diabetes, hypertension, and other heath killers. Not trying to die before my prime. Especially, since I want to do more in my life than being depressed and alone.

The overall thing with me as I get older, I need to be realistic with what’s to come as I get to being 35 years old and also being older and not making more mistakes and furthering my depression and anxiety into making me more of a basket case. I guess for now, 19 days and counting. Thank god……..

Eugene Chandler III

Summer Showdown: My Adventure To Auburn Hills

Dear Friends,

I have worked baseball games, football games, soccer games, championships and concerts but I have never worked a big event like the one I worked at last night. Usually, I don’t discuss concerts or events on here but this is both a good and bad event to share to the world. Before I get into details about this event, let me be clear that I wish the experience was better but sad to say it was a series of shitty events that I wish I could forget.

First of all, I never worked up in Auburn Hills before. I use to go up to the Palace of Auburn Hills for basketball games. It has been a long while since going that far north of Detroit. Going up to work at this venue was a rare opportunity. Before going up to work, I had to do something that required my full attention. I had to let someone go. Why? It is because my life was changing and so was her life. It was not fair to do this before work but it had to be done. She was nice to take me up there and we talked before I went into work. After that, I went into work and was basically lost in the sea of confusion. My first shitty experience is that after being a vendor for over 10 years, to work out of a room smaller than a closet. My god, it was like working literally in a box.

After the horror of working in a box, I had to draw my assigned location out of a cup. They were too cheap to get a hat. So I get a good location but was relegated to selling 15 beers. Usually, I am use to getting a case or two of beer during concerts. Before the doors open, I was able to take some pictures of some of the memorabilia and some personal pictures. The doors open and I wish I could have take pictures of the large crowd that ran up the stairs and pass me to get on the floor and close to the stage. My best way to describe this would be saying that there were more females running in heels than on a runway. However, I learned most women in dress and heels were not real women.  I stood where I was at for close to 30 minutes before I got someone to sell. That is too long for a sell from anyone. After the initial sell, I was in business but most of my customers were not cute women or sexy women but men in drag and effeminate men. I am not homophobic but I never though I would be second guessing who is a real woman and who is a queen.

After about 90 minutes of selling and having some fun, the second shitty event occurred. So we were confused with how much longer were able to sell. This was bad because usually during concerts, you have between three and five hours to sell during the concert and the main event was the end of sales. I might have forgotten to mention it but this was a Beyonce concert. So basically, she was the main event but her opening act was a DJ. What the fuck? A DJ opening up for a mega star like her is like a flea opening up for The Rolling Stones. So added to that confusion was the fact that people were bitching about prices of beer, and being cussed out by a man in drag is something I don’t think I want to experience again.

So after finding out how much time we had left to sell, it was like time stop for selling beer. People were not having alcoholic drinking and more flushing out the system by drinking water. I was getting frustrated because of the lack of sales and also the lack of patience with the whole thing. The third shitty thing was that I was suppose to stop selling 30 minutes ago and was not told. So I was lucky to sell almost all my cases of beer. However, I came to realize another shitty thing: I did not make any fucking money. The sheer anger of that upset me so much that I was happy to leave and walk away from this experience. Not to mention that, I was ready to get the fuck out of there. I was happy to get a ride out of the area and away from the shittiest experience ever.

Finally, after all that shit that occurred, I was not happy to experience that. I did not like Beyonce from the start but the whole experience made me not like her or her concert experience even more. Most people were in love with her but as a worker, it was shitty at best. I said this under my breath and out loud as I left the area: NEVER AGAIN!!!!!! Thank god, I am right about that.

Eugene Chandler III

Summer Showdown: My Independence Day

Dear Friends,

Well it is the 4^th of July, and as I am an American, we celebrate out independence from England. However, this is my own version of being independent. It has been over a month of not working and not being out in the sun sweating all afternoon and evening. My life for the last ten years was of being out in the sun sweating to make tips and making money. So today is my freedom from that horrible state of existence. This entry is going to show you all that my life is not about working a job that was not my life plan after ten years.

Before I started working at my former place of employment, I was use to hiding in cooler places avoiding the heat. I love summer because of the weather and also because it was around my birthday. However, I hated summer because most of my places to hide would be closed or on shorten hours. My biggest memories were of being in school during the summer just to have an excuse to be active. My former job was my escape but the longer I was doing it, the longer I was feeling the fun and excitement leave my soul. So I am happy that I don’t have to worry so much about that job anymore.

I was born in August and to most people; it was the end of the summer season. When I was younger, my birthday was the precursor to the end of summer. Even though Labor Day is the unofficial end of summer, my birthday is the precursor. I bring this up because my former job would consume my summer. All the picnics, concerts, fairs and fireworks that I have missed or barely saw were not something I wanted to miss. It was bad enough as a kid that I missed fun because of something but as an adult, my excuse was working. One thing that makes me happy now is that next year, I can go to fairs, fireworks, picnics, and most of all, concerts. This job was more like a death sentence because of all the stress and added hassles in my life. So thank you God for this freedom.

My biggest thing that I am happy about from not working my former job and being free to do what I want to do during the summer is swimming. Most people find that funny because I haven’t been swimming since 2007. I love to swim. Actually, I love to move freely in water. Even though my astrological sign is of an earth symbol, I love water. I lived close to water all my life. No matter where I was at from Detroit to Flint to Monroe, I have been near water. I can swim and relax in the water again.

Finally, one aspect of not working at this job anymore is the freedom to do what I want and also be able to do something different in my life. My life was not meant to be a vendor or grunting to get tipped and paid. I might have had to change my life goals but I don’t want to be old and penniless. Hopefully, one day I can look back at this freedom and independence as a godsend not as a fuck up or mistake. Hopefully, I can write about that sooner than later.

Eugene Chandler III