Dear Friends,
As I sit here thinking about what's to come in my life, I am scared of what is going to happen. I have been doing everything to keep my mind off the unknown but that's hard because I am use to knowing what's to come. So as I prepare to get through Christmas and New Year's, I have to wonder if this is the year that things will go right or if I gotta struggle. Why do I have to go through hell every other year? I am noticing if I don't go through hell every other year, my life is more chaotic.
So what's to come? I wish I knew. I want to go somewhere that is mines and relax. I am not going to any place that is mines. I am going to places where I have to be paranoid and cautious. I hate living without. I hate being homeless. I hate the choices I made. I live with my choices but I hate that while I struggle, those who try to hurt me profit from my fall from grace. I am tired period. My soul won't let me quit because growing up in Detroit, you cannot afford to give up. You can bitch but not give up.
Eugene Chandler III
Friday, December 3, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
December To Remember 2010: 48 Hours of Madness
Dear Friends,
Well I had an interesting couple of days. I usually don't share exactly what's going on with my life because I hate for people to worry but people worry regardless. So what happened to cause all these changes in 48 hours? Here goes the story:
Since October 28th, I have been bouncing around sleeping different places because I left where I was staying at with my now ex girlfriend. So for the last month, I was sleeping on couches, chairs, and other places for the night. I'm use to this because I been in this situation before. So for the most part, I been bouncing around and trying to get myself together. So on Monday, I ran out of places to sleep at. I was upset and angry. I lost it for the most part. So on Tuesday, I was without a warm place to go. It was ironic that the cold weather hit on Tuesday. So instead of running to a shelter or even asking for help, I decided to walk around Monroe. At first, I should have found places to get out of the cold instead of staying up all night but I chose to stay up all night. So my first stop was Meijers. Now I love to go to places like Meijers that are open 24 hours because you see alot of students and insomniacs walk around for hours looking around and shopping. So I spent about two hours in Meijers walking around. I watched the promo videos, looked at clothes, and keeping busy until 3am. Then I walked to Walgreens. That was a fun trek because I was trying to kill time. Walgreens was a quick trip because I was getting bored at Meijers. So from there, I went to WalMart and really had fun. I walked through almost every aisle grabbing random items. I was excited that they did have the MJ game. I was also having fun trying to stay awake and not out in the cold. So it was close to 5am when I left Walmart. During my walks, I prayed for myself and others. I also had ideals for different things. When 6am came, I was in McDonald's drinking my warm hot chocolate. As the warm liquid filled my belly, I made it throught the night but I was loopy all day. I actually caught myself close to passing out. I actually took naps most of the day. I did made it through.
So did I learn anything doing this? I am human and need to rest. I also need to stop being scared to ask for help. It is not being prideful, I hate people worrying about me. I also hate people pittying me. I am all better and also will be getting help somehow. For now, I am counting on some things to come through. More to come.
Eugene Chandler III
Well I had an interesting couple of days. I usually don't share exactly what's going on with my life because I hate for people to worry but people worry regardless. So what happened to cause all these changes in 48 hours? Here goes the story:
Since October 28th, I have been bouncing around sleeping different places because I left where I was staying at with my now ex girlfriend. So for the last month, I was sleeping on couches, chairs, and other places for the night. I'm use to this because I been in this situation before. So for the most part, I been bouncing around and trying to get myself together. So on Monday, I ran out of places to sleep at. I was upset and angry. I lost it for the most part. So on Tuesday, I was without a warm place to go. It was ironic that the cold weather hit on Tuesday. So instead of running to a shelter or even asking for help, I decided to walk around Monroe. At first, I should have found places to get out of the cold instead of staying up all night but I chose to stay up all night. So my first stop was Meijers. Now I love to go to places like Meijers that are open 24 hours because you see alot of students and insomniacs walk around for hours looking around and shopping. So I spent about two hours in Meijers walking around. I watched the promo videos, looked at clothes, and keeping busy until 3am. Then I walked to Walgreens. That was a fun trek because I was trying to kill time. Walgreens was a quick trip because I was getting bored at Meijers. So from there, I went to WalMart and really had fun. I walked through almost every aisle grabbing random items. I was excited that they did have the MJ game. I was also having fun trying to stay awake and not out in the cold. So it was close to 5am when I left Walmart. During my walks, I prayed for myself and others. I also had ideals for different things. When 6am came, I was in McDonald's drinking my warm hot chocolate. As the warm liquid filled my belly, I made it throught the night but I was loopy all day. I actually caught myself close to passing out. I actually took naps most of the day. I did made it through.
So did I learn anything doing this? I am human and need to rest. I also need to stop being scared to ask for help. It is not being prideful, I hate people worrying about me. I also hate people pittying me. I am all better and also will be getting help somehow. For now, I am counting on some things to come through. More to come.
Eugene Chandler III
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)