Birthday Blowout: Day 16 of 20

Dear Friends,

It is now four days from my birthday. I find it funny that my birthday is on a Monday because usually it falls on a Sunday or Saturday. As I am counting down the days until I become 34 years old, I find myself gaining some happiness. I say that because I am not use to being geeked about my birthday. As I get closer to my birthday, I am reminded of the last time I was excited about my birthday. So I guess I will share the last few times that I was excited about my birthday.  

When I was to turn five years old, I was happy to see this birthday come. I knew that since Christmas was coming in a couple of months, I should ask for something toy related now because I know if I do it in December, I would get nothing but clothes and other non toys  items. I remember that I got some G.I. Joes figures and also some G.I. Joe related things. I was happy this day because it was a simpler time.

When I was to turn 13 years old, I knew this was the last time to get childish things. By now, I was getting more clothing items and also nothing I asked for. I know that sounds like I am being spoiled but I am being realistic with my requests back then.  Before I turned 13, I did receive a Nintendo and games for it. So I decided to ask for games and also hope for a new TV. I was happy to go to the toy store and get games for the system and also had received a new TV. During this time of my life, it was still simple times.

The last time I was happy about a birthday was my 25^th birthday. I started working at where I am at now. I was also getting a place and my wish for this birthday was to be with my then girlfriend. She and I were able to enjoy my birthday. This was the last time I wanted to celebrate a birthday until last year. I guess in the last eight years, I was either depressed to be a year older or had plans for my birthday but was disappointed at the end of the day. I want to leave you this little piece of advice: A birthday means that your life began but after a point, you have to make each birthday a time to restart life and do more and do different things. See you all very soon but that all for now.

Eugene Chandler III

Birthday Blowout: Day 15 of 20

Dear Friends,

It is 5 days until I become a year older. I have been laughing at the fact that I have been counting this down like counting down the days until Christmas. I am excited for celebrating my birthday this year but also mentally preparing for my 35th birthday next year. Since I am in the mood for speaking about this, I have been wondering: what is the fascination with humans and anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and even the day someone dies. I ask this because that's something that boggles my mind. We celebrate anything but especially when someone passes away. So as I get excited to celebrate my birthday, I also want to why we celebrate even the anniversary of someone's death.

First, I want people to know that I am not being insensitive about people celebrating someone's death. My great aunt died on my mother's birthday. So it is easy to celebrate my mother's birthday but we also remember that my great aunt's passing. However, some people take this too far with shirts and hats. I do know people that have gone to even having made videos of loved ones funerals. I think this is a bit of overkill. I remember but I don't go to the extreme of having shirts made or having videos made. Death is suppose to be done with a bit of decorum. Life is supposed to be lived to the fullest. The new thing is: YOLO. That is you only live once. Birthdays are things celebrated once a year. I am learning to do it more.

Something I have seen on the news and read on the net is that we constantly have to remember tragedies. Tragedies are supposed to be treated like when someone dies, with decorum. However, we live in a world where the news over hype tragedies and the people it affects. I am happy to never experience something catastrophic like 9/11 or losing someone in accident or fire. I do grieve but I am not going to make a huge deal of death. I definitely don't want to constantly celebrate or hype up something that is suppose to be done in private.

Finally, I want to say that for years, I did not want to celebrate being a year older. I chose to celebrate last year because I did not want to be depressed on my birthday. I said my ex was not going to let me be depressed and did a good job of it. We had fun and we both had one night free from stress and drama. The last time I had something like that was back in 2007. I celebrated it alone at first but had people over to help celebrate it. I guess there are some benefits to celebrating anniversaries and birthdays but not when it is a death or tragedy. With that said, it is time to go but there will be more to come. Thank you for reading.

Eugene Chandler III

Birthday Blowout: Day 14 of 20

Dear Friends,

Today is my father’s birthday. Most people know that I was named after him and my grandfather. As I think about my father’s birthday, I remind myself that it is less than one week until my birthday. This is when I realize that my birthday is coming and also that it is time to relieve some memories about my father and of my grandfather. This is going to be interesting because I never talk about either man in writing.

First and foremost, my father was a mystery to me for years. I say that because as a kid, my father was working but he also was a Christian man. My father and I never really talked like most fathers and sons. I never asked him about sex or advice. As a kid, I never had time to be alone with him or even had time to be a son to him. Now, my grandfather was in my life as a kid and to a point in my teens. My grandfather was bluntly honest. He was country as all hell but he was real. As a kid, he gave me something I live with even today. He made me see that a real man takes responsibility for his actions. I live with that now.

My father was not around in my life during my teens. The last time I saw my father as a teen was after my 16^th birthday in court for something silly. Before that, I was living with my father until after my 14^th birthday. My father wanted me to live with him but my father had a wife and kids. I had a step siblings and a step mother. I am a only child in my mother’s eyes. My grandfather left Detroit and moved back to Tennessee during my teens. The last time I spoke to him as a teen, he was happy to be home. My grandfather was my unofficial role model. He made me see that being a man is about being able to make choices.

My grandfather died some time ago. My father did not know how to reach me to let me know he passed. The last time I talked to my grandfather, he asked me if I was getting laid, I was. He wanted to know if I had kids, I did not have a kid then. He reminded me to be a man and I have done my best to remember that. I use to blame my father for not doing a lot to let me know that my grandfather was dead. I later just said that my grandfather is in my heart. My father missed his father. Fast forward to late last year. My father had a stroke. My father was in the hospital. One on my cousin had to send me a message online to let me know. I bring this up because since that point, I have been doing my best for my father.

Today is my father’s birthday. I wished him a happy birthday. He’s close to 60. I see my father as my namesake. I am not close to my father. I will not hide that fact. I see my father as my namesake and also a man that I am still trying to know. I know of him but sitting down with him is harder and different. I will leave you with this thought: Out of all the members of your family, your grandparents and your parents are suppose to be your core family members. In my family, my mother is left as my core family members. My grandparents are dead. My great aunt and uncle are dead. My father is someone I want to know but will always be an enigma to me.

Eugene Chandler III