November To Remember: Going Home To Recouperate

Dear Friends,

            As I embark on my journey back to familiar surroundings, I find myself laughing at all the times, I had to go back somewhere with my tail tucked between my legs. I saw on the news that people from the ages of 25 to 34 had to come home or close to home because they graduated school but no job. I can relate to that since even though I got my associate’s degree but have not done shit with it. I don’t like to admit defeat but with the shit that I been through, I need to run like hell. I am happy to at least have someone and somewhere to go when things go bad.

            My life has been many things but boring is not something I would use. What’s funny is that when I was with my current ex, I wanted a boring life but her life was more chaotic than mines. Going back to somewhere familiar helps me reflect and hopefully end my cycle of bad relationships and even worse endings to what should have been great stories. I don’t use home because my heart is my home. No matter where I am at, I am at home. That might be a silly thing to say but it has got me through my life even now.

            Home is where the heart is and I see that I have to get my life in order. I have said this many times before but this time, I mean it. After Andrea, I should have left for good. After Michelle M, I will fix my heart, my life, my soul and even finally clean on the skeletons in my closet before I decide to leave again. I feel like a broken record but hope this time going back to a place that makes me feel like I want to live life is better than being surrounded by sadness and depression. So like the song goes, I am coming home...tell the world I am coming home. That’s all for now but more to come.

Eugene Chandler III

November To Remember: My History with November

Dear Friends,

I usually don’t like using the word hate but I hate November and December. This is what I call the curse of November. It seems like the most traumatic events in my life occur just before Thanksgiving. I think I wrote about getting dumped and having my bouts of depression back in 2006 when I was kicked out by my ex and told me never to come back. I avoid November like most people avoid beggars in the street. December is worse but I will discuss November.

I use to not like this time of the year because it brings family together and we have something to be thankful of. However, I do not like this time of the year because of so many traumatic experiences that further made me depressed. All the missed times to bond with family is nothing compared to being evicted out of a home, or getting dumped. My last good November was back in 1999. The only reason why it was good to me is simply because it was the last time I got together with my family. If you ever saw the movie Soul Food, you know what happened to cause the family to break up. Even though that movie had a happy ending, my life is nothing but tragedy. Some people think I am being dramatic about my life but I know what it is like to not celebrate holidays. Especially since I am single again, this November not only left me with a bitter taste but no where to go and really nothing to be thankful for except not being in jail and not being dead.

All I can do is get through this month without drinking my sorrows away, getting high, or even taking my life. I guess all I can do is take it day to day because looking ahead is stressing me out or making my life more chaotic that I know it is. For the second time in my life, I not only got dumped before Thanksgiving but I also have to fight to not be depressed and focus on something aside from the past. For now, I am going to work on me and my sins. That’s all for now but more to come.

Eugene Chandler III

November To Remember: Alone Again....

Dear Friends,


Well after being in love and doing the right thing in my life, I am back to being alone and very confused. I spent the better part of the summer and most of the fall being with someone that made me feels better about my life and what things I needed to change. However, the relationship was not meant to be. What’s tragic and ironic is this is the second and sad to sad the last go around for this person. Unlike my break up with my other ex that ended with me going to jail and being on probation, this relationship caused me to think about things I would never think about again. Before I go into my life changing thought, let me try to explain what caused this relationship to end. This is from my point of view:

Michelle M. was my first girlfriend. We met in high school. We had some things in common. We clicked and it was great until she was forced to drop out. She said I was stalking her but I wanted to see her more that school. Her grandparents did not like her dating a black male. I spent all junior and senior year at high school trying to forget about her and living life my way. So we fast forward to this past July. After talking online for two years, we decided to go out on a date. We go to the movies, then one thing lead to us getting it on. I end up moving in with her and her five kids. Her mom was there also to remind me why our relationship in high school just ended. Up until two weeks ago, we were able to work things out but she dumped me because of CPS. The reason why CPS is sniffing around is due to her ex-husband’s molestation charges which was dropped was refilled and new charges were added. Basically his step daughter claimed he had sex with her and touch her all over. Now, Michelle used CPS as a scapegoat but the truth is that she did not like my methods for raising and treating her kids. I was raised to respect my family, never curse, and basically fear and respect my elders. Her kids are ok but its bad when 3 of 5 kids are on pills for ADHD, ADD, and more. As much as I loved her and her kids, the tide was coming and she had too much on her plate. Plus it was clear to me that no matter what I did for her and the kids, it was not enough. 

So on Monday, I had an epiphany about my life and that also this was going to end. I waited until she confirmed my fears.   What’s funny is that there were times where I could have left but I wanted to prove a point that I could do it. I wanted to show her and myself that I could be a great father and provider. It was not in the cards. Unlike Andrea, I am not mad or upset. However, I am very glad to have had a chance to get with someone I wanted to see if things could work. That answer is no, and I remembered that rules was broken to date this girl. Rather than to obsess and waste my anger, I will try to get my life in order and finally love myself.


The cycle I have been going through these last few years are causing me to think I am crazy, or I am a bad man. After Andrea, I know that I had a right to be upset at myself for what happened. After Michelle M, I really think I can let go of the past once and for all. No more obsessing about women I should have been with or women that would be great for me. I hate being alone but this time around, it is time to be alone and reflect. I already will be without a lot and with the holidays coming, I really do hate to go through this mess again. So for now, I will be strong and also work on being and getting happy. This is all for now but more to come.










Eugene Chandler III