Winter Wasteland: Goodbye, Close The Door, and Move Forward Part 3

Dear Friends,

This is the end of my trilogy. I find this funny because there was a lot to write about for one subject. So before I end this trilogy, let me pose a question to you all: Once you say good bye to someone and move on, do you think after some time there is a possibility of going back to fix what went wrong? Keep that question in mind after reading this entry. So how will this series of entries end? Simple, this is the reflection entry.

So I spoke about being in a cycle of exes that I know. I rarely find someone new to be with. Even if I find someone new, there is always someone in my past that creeps up to either want me back or something else. I am working on breaking that cycle. The reflection of this point of my life is to move to different people. Women that are not about drama and people that doesn’t want to bring me down to a low level. I was happy that I saw that and working to that goal.

With both AF and MM, both these women had internal issues. Now something I ignore a lot of the time is when someone has an internal issue. MM had a full plate of kids, ex husband, and other shit. I ignored this because I was under the belief that I could help. I learned that helping a single mother with five kids is not something to deal with lightly. So I knew if I messed up, that was it. As for AF, I tried to free her from her mommy. That’s was not the case because her mommy was everywhere. I am thankful that I am done with AF because someone with a close family is not someone I want to be with.

As I reflect, I will finally admit that I do have a hero complex. That’s something I will change because I need help for myself. I will also learn to love myself because I can’t just love everyone else. My ex also thinks that I cause drama. I don’t cause anything because I try to avoid drama and literal shit for anyone. I have learned about as much from my current exes than any of my exes. As I end this entry, I will end this point of my life. The last three years have been stressful and chaotic. As I close the door to this, I will either sink or swim when it comes to new relationships and also just letting go of the past. So this is my last entry that mentions AF or MM but this is where the old Eugene ends and the new one runs with a new set of rules and a new sense of purpose.

Eugene Chandler III

Winter Wasteland: Goodbye, Close The Door, and Move Forward Part 2

Dear Friends,

I am going to keep a promise that I was not going to drag an ex into my blogs. However the second that she decided to blame me for something out of my control, all bets are off. In my last entry, I spoke about saying good bye to someone. I also mention if this was a permanent good bye or temporary. So after writing that blog, I decided to use this blog to show that sometimes saying good bye to someone is better than letting them ruin your life. This is not part two of that blog. This blog is going to be about closing the door and moving on from someone. I might have done something like that before but not like this.

So yesterday, I had an interesting and albeit a heated discussion with my current ex about an accident I was in with her van last year before my birthday. Now as a good boyfriend at the time, I explain what happens to the van. I also do my best to help but this woman was never satisfied with anything. So besides that and a parking ticket I got that I though I lost but she found and claim I hid it, I had to see her post something on Facebook about how I ruined her life because of the accident in her van. Now the argument was heated but something in my mind finally clicked and I stop talking to her. Now, I did not have the chance to say good bye to her but I close the door with her. I had no choice because she was basically passing blame for me for something that was not in my control.  I had to move on because this woman is basically a bitter one.

Another situation I had recently was my small claims court with my other current ex. Just like the situation with the other ex above, this one basically fucked me over in my opinion. I did everything according to the law but still got fucked because she either have the stuff and hid it or tried to look good and innocent for the magistrate. Now, I don’t let go of anything but I closed the door to this because of one very good reason:  If I let this bitch go and move on, I win. So that’s what I did and also because this would also free my conscience from further stress and drama.

One thing that is a constant with me is that things are great at first with the women I date but goes to hell because of the clashing of ideas. One thing I also find out later is that I don’t really know these women like most people should. I think that’s because of my lack of patience. I am working on that. I am also working on the fact that I can’t afford to let women or people in general draw me into their never ending drama. I allowed that with AF and I allowed it with MM. The only thing is that AF’s drama is mommy. MM’s drama is kids, an ex husband, and mom.

So what does closing the door to drama mean to me? It would mean less drama, less issues and a new sense of purpose in life. I also came to a realization that for years, I have been looking in the wrong places for love. My biggest thing is my constant cycle of reusing women I already know. The irony is that with MM was my first and last time using this cycle. I said after dating MM that I was not going to date. I have not dated since last October. My self imposed ban on dating will continue until I find someone outside the cycle that will love me for me and not cause drama in my life. So as I finish this entry, I am closing the door with the cycle, locking the fucker, and instead of looking for another door to open, I am going to blow open a new way. 2012 is my year to change and I am going to keep up that overall general purpose. There is more to come with this.

Eugene Chandler III

Winter Wasteland: Goodbye, Close The Door, and Move Forward Part 1

Dear Friends,

This morning, I heard the song: Never Can Say Goodbye by the Jackson Five. I never like that song because I hate saying good bye. I have only said that when it comes to getting dumped by someone and moving on. I have also said it to people on some dumb shit. So as I heard this song, I flashed the events of last night with my ex. This is the first of three blogs that will have to do with my ex. Why three? It is because there was so much to talk about. Also this will apply to my changes in my life. So this blog is going to talk about saying goodbye to someone.

The first time I ever had to say goodbye to someone was ironically the same person that I had to say goodbye recently. You know you have to have a certain frame of mind to let go of someone especially someone you are close to and love. In high school, you had to have a thick skin to do anything especially date. So when I met this girl, I made a mistake of letting her in. I also learned from my mistake which forced me to say goodbye to quick but painful.

In college, I learned that goodbyes are more permanent and causes some life changing issues. I had to say good bye to my college sweetheart because we were drifting apart. This woman was someone I had a hard time letting go but when you say goodbye to someone that you are close to then you also have to live with the consequences of it. She and I have not spoke since 1999. So over ten years of not speaking has been painful because she was a good friend especially one that cared. With that said, this lesson of permanent goodbyes was a hard one to learn.

There was a couple that I use to know that I had to say goodbye to for various reasons. The big reason was that they moved away. However, the bigger reason was that they died on the road to moving to Cleveland. When you say good bye to someone, sometimes you don’t know if it is permanent or forever. This was forever. I was sad they had to move but crushed that they died while on the road to moving to their new place. It hurts to never see someone again because of death. We all know that death is permanent.

One more thing that I want to say is that with my current ex, she made a situation so bad that rather to work on it, she decided to say goodbye to me. She’s going to make this goodbye to me permanent because of the hurt she has been through and also because she’s stubborn. With that said, what’s next is more painful than a good bye. There is more to come.

Eugene Chandler III