Birthday Blowout: Day 1 of 20

Dear Friends,

It is the first of August, the countdown to my birthday has official begun. In 19 days, I will be 34 years old. I just wrote a blog about having the birthday blues. As I am writing this entry, I am taking stock in my life. So as I countdown my birthday, this is the first entry of my 20 days of not only reflection and also comparing last year to this year. This entry is going to be about the dog days of summer especially with the fact that my birthday is a sign of the end of summer for me.

Last year, I was trying to be in love and also fix my life after what occurred last May and June. When you are in love, it is easy to let days pass and also let shit pass you. I got through most of last summer with the feeling of happiness. I was with someone and I had a purpose aside of my own living. As the summer progressed, I think my life was getting better but it was getting worse. As I think about what is going on now, I think I made the mistake of assuming I was in love. I was happy to be with someone.

Usually, the first full week of August is when the panic begins for celebrating and getting to my birthday. I know some people think I am flipping out or overreacting but unlike most people, I tend to see that my birthday is the best time of year. To me, my birthday is a hell of a lot better than Christmas. I say that because my birthday is the only time of year that I am in control and I don’t have to feel guilty if I don’t celebrate the day.

This is the first of August, I got 19 more days to reflect and also hope for changes in 2012 and 2013. I might be getting older but I wish to change what had happened and what is going to happen. I want to be able to love with my choices but no matter if I do or don’t, I still end up with regret. Until next time, see you all soon.

Eugene Chandler III

Summer Showdown: Precursor to Being 34

Dear Friends,

This is the last week of July which means the countdown to my birthday begins soon. Most people hate that their birthdays are in the winter or the spring but I don't like my birthday because it is the end of summer for me. My birthday also is the culmination of a wild week of birthdays. My father's birthday is on the 14th of August, then my stepmother's birthday is on the 17th of August, and then finally my birthday is on the 20th of August. Every year, this time of year is action packed for the simple reason of celebration of a family of Leos. What I want to talk about is before this week of celebration. This is the birthday blues blog.

People don't think you should be sad about being a year older. I have dreaded this since 13 yrs old. I guess because the older I get the wiser I get and also the mistakes I made get more harder to deal with. I have said that I dislike Thanksgiving to Christmas but the weeks leading to my birthday is nerve racking because of the wait and also the reflection I do each year. I have tried each year to not be depressed around my birthday but some years I celebrate and others I would hide out.

When you get older, you tend to reflect more. I have not live life like some people but I have lived an interesting life. I try not to reflect because it reminds me of what I was and how I changed in the last few years. Most Christians tend to think that relection is a good thing to remind you of what you did was a sin or what you did was a blessing. I hate reflection but my mind is set to remind me of what I did wrong and also try to not repeat my mistakes and issues. When it comes to it, I hate getting older because remembering the past is a bitch.

Finally, having the blues about your birthday means that you want the next year to be better not worse just remember that. Last year, I was happy with someone but after the weather change it changed. This year, I spent it being single for the first time since 1996. I am happy with my life but I know I want more. Until next time, see you all for the next entry.

Eugene Chandler III