Winter Wasteland: Second Chances

Dear Friends,

Something I have been hearing a lot lately is giving second chances to people. What I find funny is that my life is full of second chances. What’s funnier to me is the fact that almost every single woman I have ever dated claims to given me second chances. So I wondered how someone gets to have a second chance.  What kills me with women is that men are doomed to mess up once. So after that you are given a second chance. I am going to just give a simplistic view of second chances. For men, this is something not known to them. For women, this is a way to make a man go through hoops to do right in their eyes. However, this is how I view a second chance.

First, people need to understand that it is not easy to be perfect or a saint. A second chance is when you mess up. So you are doomed to get this second chance because in someone else’s eyes, you messed up. Like I said, people are not perfect or saints. No matter what you are, don’t try to be perfect but be the best you can be. In all my relationships, I have tried to avoid this first step but it is impossible.

Second, judgment is not supposed to be done by man or woman. I said in an earlier blog about people being Christian and judging people. This applies because most people are so quick to judge others but not themselves. So when you mess up, you are instantly judged. Most women loves to judge men with checkered past. You date someone that has a past with hitting a woman, these women are quick to assume that they will get hit or they will abuse them. Men use the promiscuity clause with women. If they were a whore in the past then they are being a whore now because they fucked someone that’s not me. Judgment is only for God not man or woman.

Third, addiction is a recipe for people to give a second chance. If you were a drunk, a drug addict or something worse, you don’t even get a first chance. When someone allows something like liquor or cocaine in their system, they are going to change because of those chemicals affecting them. Simply put, addiction is going to change your life and you jump to a second chance in life.

Fourth, mistakes will happen in life. One mistake will cause several months of ass kissing, and other things to secure a second chance. You forget to pay your boo’s cell phone bill. You live and you learn and try to never let it happen again. People are going to make mistakes but it is harder to correct mistakes as it happens. With that said, you can avoid mistakes but hope it does not happen again.

Finally, people are close minded. No matter what you do to change your life, they already passed judgment and will not change their minds about what occurred. Some people will change their minds but most others are pig headed and closed minded. About 80% of my past lovers and exes have close their minds and moved on. No matter what occurred, these women would rather move on than to fix something that was good. I’m not being mean to say that but they don’t like to be admitted wrong or made a mistake.

This is a sore subject for me as a person but also for the exes that know I am right with this. It is easy to place blame and make someone guilty. However it is easier to make someone feel bad for their mistakes and then use the second chance to get them to conform to what you want. I feel that all my exes used that as a way to see if I will not forget a birthday, or an anniversary, or even if I found their wallet. A second chance is something of a cop out but most times it is a tool for forgiveness. I will just say that for men it is easier to avoid getting a second chance if you just try to do right. For women, it is easy to avoid a second chance if you don’t lie. Either way, people are going to get second chances no matter what.

Eugene Chandler III

Winter Wasteland: Real Christian

Dear Friends,

Recently, someone came to me and repeated that they are a Christian. Now I have had experience with people becoming Christian but not knowing the real story. Especially with women who become born again, they use that to make themselves look better than what they were before being saved. So as I been thinking about this, I am not saved or a real Christian. I don’t judge people because according to the bible, only God judges people. So I have decided to answer that question and basically stop people from using that as a phony excuse.

The very first time I heard someone tell me that they are a real Christian was back in 1997. There was this girl name Vikki who lived in Muncie, IN. At the time we were pen pals and we met while she was attending school in Indiana. Now I was young and I did not try to play games with her. I was real with her and she was real with me. We were alone in her room and we both were lying in her bed. We talked all night about ourselves and our dreams. There was no sex but lots of kissing and touching. A few days later, she sends me a letter that God told her to break up with me. Then she tells me she was being a real Christian and that I wanted sex from her. I did not try to have sex with her but I was upset with the fact that she used God as an excuse to get rid of me. It was the first time that I hated people using being a Christian as an excuse in life.

The next time I heard someone tell me they are a real Christian was in 2001. This time, it was an ex that I was friends with. My ex became a born again Christian. She was trying to get me to go to church. She was excited about being born again and I was supportive of that. Now it is Super Bowl weekend of 2001, we were alone in my place. We both were talking and things got heated. We were kissing and things got heated. We were in my bedroom and we had sex. After we had sex, she flipped out on me and ran to the front room to get her bible. I get dressed and she’s in the bathroom crying and praying. She gets herself together and leaves. She contacts me two weeks later and proceeds to tell me that I seduced her and that I made her lose her Christianity. She blamed me for her being a sinner. She told me that she is a real Christian and I never heard from her in life again.

My last time that I heard someone tell me they are a real Christian was recently. This person was someone I was friends with. Now unlike the other two people, they used being Christian as an excuse to judge me for how I lived my life. Not only did they judge my life but told me that I am a sinner for not being a Christian and not letting God in my life. I got fed up with that because I am not trying to deal with someone’s issues with how I live my life.

So what makes a real Christian? I ask this because my step mother, my great aunt, and auntie taught me what makes a Christian man and a Christian woman. I also read the bible and people have told me what they know about being a real Christian. What upsets me is that people use being a Christian as a cop out, as an excuse, and as a way to weasel out of being honest with me. A real Christian does not judge others. A real Christian knows that God judges and God is the almighty. People that claim they are Christian tend to make others ignorant with their views about the subject. I feel like most of the people in my life are Christian by example or by what is written in the bible. I’m not a Christian. I am not saved. I am not active in a church. I do believe in God but I also being in Allah, Buddha, Karma and other higher powers. I do this because I am equal with all religions and people that claim they’re Christians are scared to be honest with others.

For now, I will live my life and I will do my best to be happy. I won’t judge others and I won’t be holier than others. I tend to think that a real Christian is someone that can have people in their lives and not convert them. My thing is that a real Christian can help others without being judgmental and crass. I guess it is easier to be honest with family than with stranger. That’s all for now, but there is more stuff coming.

Eugene Chandler III

Winter Wasteland: Real Woman

Dear Friends,

In my last blog, I talked about what makes a real man but this is the opposite of that blog. This is what I feel makes a real woman. It is easy for a woman to belittle a man because they not kissing their ass but what makes a real woman. What makes a woman do what they have to do without being with a man or married to a man? I feel that most women can’t really answer this question because the truth will hurt them. I am going to do my best to answer this question.

First, a real woman does not belittle anyone. Most women put so much pressure on a man because they can’t or won’t do what they are asking. When you belittle a man it does make them angry and upset. Why would upset someone you supposedly love? Most women only do what they see from their mothers and aunts. I wet through hell the last three years because I almost let my ex girlfriends make me feel like shit. I used that hate and frustration to get me through to get my associates degree. I hope to be with someone that does belittle their men but that’s a hope I have.

Second, a real woman does not use men like toys. Women who are users tend to think men will do what they want because they are cute, or got a nice body, or because they are getting paid for sex or other things. I hate these women because they use men because they can’t do shit for themselves. These are the women that mind fuck men. These are also the women that make men do dumb things. However, it is ok for these women to do that but if a man does that it is a sin.

Third, a real woman does not provoke anyone. These women do this because some men have anger issues. So women think if they provoke these men they will end up in jail. Women also provoke men because they want to them to make a mistake. Most men avoid this trap because they know themselves. Most women can avoid this by simply not trying to pick a fight. This is another learned behavior that women see from their parents. Learned behavior is not something to be passed down or repeated because it will cause so much pain and heartbreak.

Fourth, a real woman learns to make their own decisions. All women have someone else in their ear. Men have this issue also but women tend to have this more so in life. Women have their mothers, aunts, sisters, friends, and other people in their heads. Most women go to their friends for advice but they get an annoying voice instead. Most women don’t think for themselves because someone is making decisions for them. My last two relationships had mothers that would give more than their opinions. One of my exes mom was basically the third wheel. No matter where we went or what has done, there she was. A real woman would make a decision on their own merit.

Finally, a real woman can live without a man’s support. This is so simple to explain. All my female friends have their own places, their own cars, and their own minds without a man in their life. My mother has been like this for over 30 years. None of these women could do what some women could do. My ex does hold down two jobs, has a car, and a place. However, she is severely stressed.  So much so that she has gall stones that have almost killed her. My point is that she lives without a man’s support.

So why is it hard for women to be able to a real woman? It is a combination of self esteem issues and delusions of grandeur. Women set up too high of standards for themselves and the men they want. Men do the same thing but they have lower standards of women. I have a sense of what I want in a woman and what I want in life. However, I got people telling me I am not a real man. So I can say back to them that they are not a real woman. I love to see anyone that could prove me wrong on this. I would love to see a woman that is a real woman. Because I know that I was a real man and I am working on becoming a real man to someone special. Until then, I live for the moment.

Eugene Chandler III

Winter Wasteland: Real Man

Dear Friends,

Recently I had someone tell me that I was not a real man. Now I don’t usually let people get under my skin with words but this kind of stuck with me because I don’t like being belittled or insulted. So I put some though into this because I wanted to know what makes a woman tell a man to be a real man and why would someone say that. So this is my response to this issue. Also there will be a corresponding blog to detail what makes a real woman. This is what makes what I feel is a real man.

First and foremost, a real man does what he can to live and survive. Most women don’t see that because they expect the man to be the bread winner. We live in a society where men are not the head of household. Most women now can be head of household without a man being there. So for these women to assume such a lazy and uneducated train of though upset me to no end. Men are told to support a family but when it is only two people then both parties can work together.

Second, a real man is supposed to pay bills. Now, I agree with that but like I said before if it is only two people in the relationship, both parties can do bills. Most people don’t realize that we live in a world where jobs are hard to come by. It is not easy to work and it’s harder when you got kids to feel and others depending on you. So bills do need to be paid but if people work together, then things can be done right.

Third, a real man is supposed to have a car. Now that’s not a true statement. I say that because with gas prices and car prices, it is easier to not have a car. Most women have cars to drive but it is expected for a man to have a vehicle. I find it funny because most women again think that the man is supposed to do everything and women don’t have to do nothing at all. A car is not a necessity but a luxury.

Fourth, a real man is supposed to have his own place. Like my point about the car, most women assume that if a man has a car then he has to have a place. Unlike a car, anyone can get a place for themselves. However, an apartment is not something cheap. You can live without a car but most people do need a roof over their heads. This is another point that women can have their own places but would prefer the man to have his place first.

Finally, a real man is supposed to treat their women with respect and trust. Now I love to tell people that respect is not given, that it’s earned. Same goes with having someone’s trust. So for men to be paranoid about a woman to see if they are cheating, they have a legitimate right. Trust is something people need to learn through time. Same with respect but respect is harder to gain by a man. So women do need to stop assuming that a man has to trust you without question but men are right to have doubts.

There are many more things that women think what makes a real man. I just used the things that I had to deal with while in my relationships. Most of my ex girlfriends did have either a jaded view of a real man or their standards were too high to see that real men sacrifice in order to see tomorrow. A real man does not have to support a woman but they have to support themselves. So for all those who want to bitch and complain about a real man or a good man, these people need to look at themselves. The next thing is going to be what makes a real woman. Until then, there is more to come about being real in this world.

Eugene Chandler III