Dear Friend,
As I move on from getting my associate’s degree to getting my bachelor’s degree, I am looking for new experiences but a new place to live. As silly as this sound, I think my time is running out in Monroe. I have good friends and also some great connections here but I need a change in my life. I have been here for over two years but felt like I need to be somewhere like Detroit but less crime. I lived in Flint but had to leave because it was getting to be like Detroit crime wise. I think I might go to school either west like Kalamazoo or even south to Toledo.
My decision is going to be based on many factors but it will ultimately depend on what is best for me. That is a good question to ask: What is best for me? I have not asked that question since 1996 when I was looking for colleges. I should have left back then but learned that I couldn’t. So now I think it is time to do something different. I am going to be meeting people and looking at schools.
When it comes down to it, I need to do this for me and me alone. I need to better myself and also get my mind right. I hope that what I do soon will be better than what I am doing now. A change of pace might help me become the man I want to be. More to come.
Eugene Chandler III
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
March Madness: My Son At Four
Dear Friends,
I usually don’t talk about this person because of all the emotion involved but recent events made me see that it is time to talk. Recently, it was my son’s fourth birthday. I have not seen in a long time because of many reasons. I don’t talk about my son because of the stress and the trigger to my depression. Not because I don’t love him but because of the mother. With his birthday passing, it reminded me that four years ago, I was on the path to get my life right but stumbled when my son came into the world. Kids tend to make some people either change or run. I didn’t run but I did let go to get some focus in my life.
Before my son came into the world, I was not focused on much. I was not myself but I was still able to live. Back then, I was not into anything or wanted to live for something. However, before my son came into the world I finally felt like I was getting my life right. Then I found out that I was going to have a son then my life change but I though for the worse. I see that my son was something to live for and be with.
My son is four years old and does not know who I am. I know that it is part my fault but I am going to make up for that. However, I have to also face my fears with the mother because she’s still hurting from me moving on and letting her down. So for now, I am going to fight to see my son but also hope to see my son’s fifth birthday. More to come.
Eugene Chandler III
I usually don’t talk about this person because of all the emotion involved but recent events made me see that it is time to talk. Recently, it was my son’s fourth birthday. I have not seen in a long time because of many reasons. I don’t talk about my son because of the stress and the trigger to my depression. Not because I don’t love him but because of the mother. With his birthday passing, it reminded me that four years ago, I was on the path to get my life right but stumbled when my son came into the world. Kids tend to make some people either change or run. I didn’t run but I did let go to get some focus in my life.
Before my son came into the world, I was not focused on much. I was not myself but I was still able to live. Back then, I was not into anything or wanted to live for something. However, before my son came into the world I finally felt like I was getting my life right. Then I found out that I was going to have a son then my life change but I though for the worse. I see that my son was something to live for and be with.
My son is four years old and does not know who I am. I know that it is part my fault but I am going to make up for that. However, I have to also face my fears with the mother because she’s still hurting from me moving on and letting her down. So for now, I am going to fight to see my son but also hope to see my son’s fifth birthday. More to come.
Eugene Chandler III
March Madness: Ranting on Lent
Dear Friends,
As we approach lent, I think about what to give up for 40 days and nights. I have given up on a lot of things in the past like sweets and soda pop. I have given up more after lent like a home, a car, my self dignity and others. To me, lent is a time to make changes in your life. It is also a way to give up something to clean your mind and body. I wish some people in my life would stop smoking, drinking soda pop, or even give up sweets. However to some, lent is not a good time of year to give up anything.
I just wrote about making changes and then I realized that lent is coming. I usually let go of something for lent. This year, I might but not because it is lent. I am trying to let go of the past finally. I have held so many grudges, resentment, and hatred to some people for hurting me or ruining something of mines. I also need to get some issues handled in regard to my son. There are others but I think those two are high on the food chain.
I think lent is a way to see what you are doing wrong then letting go for 40 days. Most people do something silly and go back to it once lent is done and others most on from it. I hope that this lent will give me a sense of clarity and focus because I need it. Maybe then, I will also learn patience and relearn my sense of self worth and being a man in this world. Until then, we will see. More to come.
Eugene Chandler III
As we approach lent, I think about what to give up for 40 days and nights. I have given up on a lot of things in the past like sweets and soda pop. I have given up more after lent like a home, a car, my self dignity and others. To me, lent is a time to make changes in your life. It is also a way to give up something to clean your mind and body. I wish some people in my life would stop smoking, drinking soda pop, or even give up sweets. However to some, lent is not a good time of year to give up anything.
I just wrote about making changes and then I realized that lent is coming. I usually let go of something for lent. This year, I might but not because it is lent. I am trying to let go of the past finally. I have held so many grudges, resentment, and hatred to some people for hurting me or ruining something of mines. I also need to get some issues handled in regard to my son. There are others but I think those two are high on the food chain.
I think lent is a way to see what you are doing wrong then letting go for 40 days. Most people do something silly and go back to it once lent is done and others most on from it. I hope that this lent will give me a sense of clarity and focus because I need it. Maybe then, I will also learn patience and relearn my sense of self worth and being a man in this world. Until then, we will see. More to come.
Eugene Chandler III
March Madness: Focused On Goals
Dear Friends,
For the last few weeks, I have been getting my shit done for school, graduation, work and other things. My heart is in everything I do. So why is it that I have some people in my life telling me to stop trying so hard? Why am I being asked to be lazy and slack off? My aunt and others have told me that in the last ten years on and off going to school, I should have my associate’s, my bachelor’s, my master’s and my doctorate degrees. Most people know my struggles with school and getting one degree. It is harder to do that with so much drama and stress.
I wake up each morning thanking god to see another day and be able to get through it. As of recent, I wish I had left my life as it was but I was dumb and had to go back to a life of constant stress and bullshit. Someone reminded me that I am brilliant in a lot of things except one. I think my heart is in two places most times but coming soon, it won’t be. Most people give up on love, having a life, or even sell their souls to get ahead in life. I haven’t yet and I am too late to do it now.
When it comes down to it, I am driven to live my life in my own way. I have allowed others to mold and point me in the wrong direction. That will change because I need to be free and alone. I realized that my time is short and I need to get my life in order and to correct my mistake and finish what I start. No more excuses, whining or bitching. I said early this year that 2011 is my year to get shit done. Once I get my associate’s degree, that will wedge the door to my goals and I can move on from there. More to come.
Eugene Chandler III
For the last few weeks, I have been getting my shit done for school, graduation, work and other things. My heart is in everything I do. So why is it that I have some people in my life telling me to stop trying so hard? Why am I being asked to be lazy and slack off? My aunt and others have told me that in the last ten years on and off going to school, I should have my associate’s, my bachelor’s, my master’s and my doctorate degrees. Most people know my struggles with school and getting one degree. It is harder to do that with so much drama and stress.
I wake up each morning thanking god to see another day and be able to get through it. As of recent, I wish I had left my life as it was but I was dumb and had to go back to a life of constant stress and bullshit. Someone reminded me that I am brilliant in a lot of things except one. I think my heart is in two places most times but coming soon, it won’t be. Most people give up on love, having a life, or even sell their souls to get ahead in life. I haven’t yet and I am too late to do it now.
When it comes down to it, I am driven to live my life in my own way. I have allowed others to mold and point me in the wrong direction. That will change because I need to be free and alone. I realized that my time is short and I need to get my life in order and to correct my mistake and finish what I start. No more excuses, whining or bitching. I said early this year that 2011 is my year to get shit done. Once I get my associate’s degree, that will wedge the door to my goals and I can move on from there. More to come.
Eugene Chandler III
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