New Years Revolution: Fear and Dying in Detroit

Dear Friends,

There is one subject that I avoid to talk about in my blogs. This is something that I am both scared to discuss but tend to think about more often as I get older. There are not a lot of things that I am scare of like this does. As I get older, I feel like it is time to bring this out but also eventually face this fear. I have a fear of dying. Especially, since I live in one of the most violent places in the U.S. Recently, I was not only faced with this fear but also had to pray to keep living.

About a couple of nights ago, I was getting off work. Over the last few years, I realize that I am getting out of work later and later because of later starts at work. So as I was getting off work, I was trying to get back to my father’s place. I get on the bus and sit down. As I sit down, there was this young guy who sat in front of me. After the young man sat down, this older man starts talking to the younger man that is in front of me. They shout at each other and this cause them to get heated. This started a fight between them. The young man takes off his jacket. He had a gun at the back of his pants. The old man goes into his jacket and he almost pulls his gun out. The young man is not scared. I am though. To my right, there was a woman with her four kids. They scatter to the back. I am still in my seat. I see the young man’s gun and about to see the old man’s gun. I don’t move. After a while, the men go off the bus and we move on and away from the drama.

So I did not think about the guns but I was scared to be shot by a stray bullet. I was also scared to see one of the kids or their mother shot by a stray bullet. I said that I have a fear of dying, which is true. I am not where I want to be but I still have time to fix some of it. As I think about it right now, I cared about others and not for myself. I am still alive because I talked these men out of the bus. I am still alive because I do fear death. I learned that it is time to be more active and live life like it is my last day. The new thing is you only live once or YOLO but I am more of a day to day person. I will leave you all with this thought: As a man, we fear the world but once we lose this fear, does this make a person more bold and brazen?

Eugene Chandler III

New Years Revolution: Love and Respect in the New Year

Dear Friends,

One thing I have learned about people and life it is that people need to earn respect and eventually your love. Most people don’t need to fall in love so quickly with someone and also learn that someone has to respect you with time. In my youth, it was easy to blur and distort the value of love and respect. I assumed that people loved me and respected me. I was seriously bullshitting myself. I am wiser and know that people need to remind themselves that respect is earned not given. Also, love is not something to jump into. So I decided to share my views and opinions about love and respect.

Aretha Franklin sung about RESPECT. Respect is something that is earned. My mother taught me that lesson as a child. Even throughout history, you see people trying to earn respect. People assume that respect is something given to people. I know for a fact it is not. Respect is something to gain in the course of a lifetime. One of my dear friends had to learn the hard way about earning someone’s respect. When you are dating someone you like, respect is earned. However, if someone is using you and basically fucking you over then respect is not going to be earned. People like that tend to be more disrespectful.

Love is an emotion that tends to be harder to get to and obtain than having someone’s respect. Love is a lot of things. We are taught that to love someone no matter what. I learned that love is harder to get than respect. We respect teachers but love our parents. Ironically, parents are both. So with our parents and siblings, we have their love and respect. However, we respect others but it is harder to love them. I learned that I am seeking someone else’s love. I have the love of my siblings and relatives but not of someone that I don’t know. Relationships are harder to build because of the acts of someone else. Love is what it is; it is something that is harder to gain but easy for people to misuse.

So love and respect are concepts that people tend to use and abuse often, even I have blurred the line when it comes to both. I have learned that it is hard to be in love and give respect when people fuck you over. I will also say that this concept is not going anywhere in my life but at least I know how to do it better this time around. This is not over but just beginning in my life.

Eugene Chandler III

New Years Revolution: Winter Blues and Cold Memories

Dear Friends,

During the winter months, it is hard for me to feel like I am normal. I do suffer from what is called the winter blues. I don’t like the winter because of the cold and lack of activity. I try to be active during the winter but it is hard for me because I hate this time of year. I wish I knew where I was going with this entry but I guess this is going to be a rant of why I dislike the winter and also why it is so hard for me to be active during this time of the year.

As a kid, I like winter to a point. I loved the snow. I loved the snow days off school. I also loved the feeling that snow can shut down everything. However, as I got older, winter is a depressing time. The cold makes it hard to be positive. I realized this actually during the winter of 1996. Winter in the city is different than winter in the country. I also learned that some years ago. Basically, as an adult, I dislike winter.

It is hard for me to be active during the winter because of the weather and also the cold. I don’t think no one wants to be outside doing anything during the winter. When I would catch a bus in the city during the winter, I realized standing outside in the winter is not for me. You could catch a cold standing outside for too long. I am not a winter person.

I guess my biggest issue with winter is that I live in the Midwest. Unlike most parts of the country during the winter, the East Coast and the Midwest catch hell during this time of year. I would love to live elsewhere but I have my reasons to stay at least for now. I guess for now, I should adapt a love it or leave it mentality. For now, this is going to be an issue that I will always have a problem with. There will be more to come.

Eugene Chandler III