December To Remember: Flashback To 1996

Dear Friends,

Even though 2011 is not over yet, I want to use this entry to go back to 1996-1999. Recently, I was reading my original adult journals from University of Detroit Mercy from 1996-1999. My god, there is enough material to write some TV shows, some books, and even some movies. I know I have talked about my past but after 15 yrs some things became crystal clear to me. Looking at my life from back then to now is like comparing the world in before 9/11 and after 9/11. What’s funny is that I done more in my private journal than in my blogs now. The more I read about the past, the more I think my life got worse. Well this entry in going to be a compare and contrast with some key points.

First and foremost, I have to mention that compared to now, I been in more relationships. I could not believe how much more in love I was with my ex back then as to my exes now. What’s funny is that I mentioned my high school sweetheart a few times in my journal back in 1996-97. It took me like 15 years to get over her just to date her again. Well at least this time, it was not a bad breakup. However, the whole thing with Andrea did make me change some views of who I want to be with. Michelle M. made me feel better about myself but further made me think about who I am with. From 1996-1999, I had only two real relationships. Compare that to 2000-2011, which I had more than eight which includes Michelle M. and Andrea. I would think after 15 years, I would be able to understand and happy with someone but I think I learn what to do to get in trouble with women.

Second, life in 1996-99 for me was simpler because I was just starting to live life. What’s ironic is that my son was born exactly 10 years before my life changed. Life for me was simpler because I was in school, I was working, I was focused, and I was happier. Now in today’s standards: I am barely working, I am barely graduated from school, I lost my focus, and fighting depression. After reading my past entries, I think I remember my root for being depressed now. The exact date was October 22^nd, 1996. I was on my own and alone. I have written in here numerous times about not wanting to be alone. As compared to now, I have been alone more now than I was in 1996.

Third, I had a shitload of opportunities that I took and some I did not go for. I know that back then, I could get more done and with less stress. Again, most of my past occurred before 9/11/01. I could remember all the jobs that I was getting both as a college student and when I was not in college.

Finally, I think I was more prepared for a wife and kids now than I was back then. I was scared to be a parent and even more fearful of getting any woman pregnant. When I was 20/21, I think I was more fearless of life because I was young, dumb and full of myself. Due to a lot of shitty relationships and even more dumb mistakes, I think I lost that mojo and bravado. I am lucky to see a new day with some sense of hope. That’s all for now but more to come.

Eugene Chandler III