November To Remember: What's Coming For 2012...

Dear Friends,

As we approach December, I think most people tend to start their end of the year review of things that happened in 2011. My thing is that the beginning of the year was marked with struggle. After my mess in May, my life drastically changed. By June, I was trying to make it to survive. Before I continue, I am not going to reflect about this year in this entry but after Christmas there will be something. This entry is going to be about gearing up for 2012. Also, I usually don’t look past tomorrow but I will try to see if things to come will be in my favor or not.

Someone once told me that reflection is like looking what’s behind you and hoping that what’s coming gets easier. I would love to have things get easier but I know in 2012, there will be more stress and hassles. I think I have done my best to deal with stress but what to come might take more out of me. I think that is what I am dreading in what’s coming to me in 2012.

Something else that I hope does not follow me into 2012 is my ex girlfriends. I know I made the mistake of not only getting out of one relationship but jumping into another one. I have made it clear to myself that I am not dating until I am set and fixed. I am sticking to that. I made a promise to myself to know Eugene in 2012. I hate being alone but I have to be alone in order to see what I want in my life and what I want in a woman. One observation that someone told me is that my standards are too low for women. I tend to agree because after dating my ex Camille, I did not have standards but I did have something I was looking for. I made a promise to a good friend not to date black women, and I kept that. I am going to keep my promise to not date because I need to be with myself.

My biggest hurdle in my life is my credit. So I intend to clear and clean my credit. I also intend to make sure that things that occurred in May/June will never ever happen again. Just like my vow to not date until I love myself, I will never allow myself to lose my temper or for someone to upset me. I guess now, I avoid fights and avoid to not fuck with karma. That’s all for now but there will be more to come.

Eugene Chandler III

November To Remember: End Of The Month Blog

Dear Friends,

Well it has been a while since I last blogged about anything. I was at first not going to blog until December but since this is the last day of November, I would push something out for you all to read. My thing is that after today, there are 31 days until we start a new year. So this blog is about my though process these last few weeks. Also I want to say that it is nice to be able to blog again.

I got through Thanksgiving without getting too depressed. I know I wrote about my positive experiences for Thanksgiving but those thoughts did creep up. I can’t help the fact that I get depressed this time of the year. I can fight it and hope for something good to come of my feelings during the cold Fall and colder Winter. I have blogged about all the shit that occurs during November and December but no matter what I say, it just kills me that shit has to happen at the end of the year. I plan on changing that in the New Year.

It does bother me that I could not be more cheerful during this time of year. Especially with my son about to be five in March, I tend to think about all the Christmases I missed with him. All the books, toys, clothes and other things my son never got from me. Most people would call me a bad father but I am not a bad father but a scared man. No matter what I do for my son, it is not going to give him that satisfaction of knowing who I am to him. I think this is one reason why I am depressed during this time of year. My son does not know what Christmas means to me but even if he knew, he might not want to ever hear it again.

Growing up in Detroit made me cynical about Winter. I lived during some harsh and brutal winters. There was a poll that called Detroit the 2^nd depressing city in the U.S. I would tend to agree especially during the cold Winter. There is something about growing up in Detroit during the cold that makes you not want to do anything except sleep and work. I hope it the New Year, I am blessed with a job that will not make me travel during the cold and brutal Winter.

In the log run, I have survived some harsh times especially during the end of the year. I think going into 2012, I will try to finally change my life. I remember my high point of my life prior to 2007 when I was not as depressed. I guess it will take years to get back to normal. There will be more but that’s all for now.

Eugene Chandler III