November To Remember: Questioning?

Dear Friends,

According to wikipedia, questioning of one's gender, sexual identity, sexual orientation, or all three is a process of exploration by people who may be unsure, still exploring, and concerned about applying a social label to themselves for various reasons. I bring this up because in my loneliness, this one thing came up at a weird moment. This has happen before when I was in college. Most people during their college years question everything especially about their sexuality and orientation. Before I continue this entry, let me be fucking clear about something: I have been plagued with questions by people about my sexuality, and I have been straight for years. I have gay and lesbian friends but I have never in my life had sex with a man or thought about it. However, in the present day, questioning in my case doesn’t involve if I want to live a gay lifestyle. Like in the definition above, I am unsure of what I want in my life. This is something I have been wanting to blog about but hope people don’t get shit twisted.

All humans question things they do or what others do. People question past mistakes, past good fortunes, and bad things in their lives. I said in the last entry that I move on and forward but I question everything I do. Like I said above, I am not questioning my sexuality but the though crossed my mind if being alone isn’t a good thing. Most men who are alone tend to do things different. Some men pay for sex; some men drink or get high, and most quietly experiment with homosexuality. I don’t believe you are born gay lesbian, or want to be a transgender. I believe you chose to become something you can live with. So I am questioning whether or not to live alone for the rest of my life. By the way, from what I know through my friends: if I EVER wanted to be gay, I would be more miserable because of the pitfalls of being gay and also being African American.

Questioning a life choice is something that we all do in our life. I use to not do that but I think as I get older, I don’t want to make more mistakes. I wanted to write about this because I am getting older and questioning my life choices is something I don’t want to be doing when I am 40 or older. I guess when it comes down to it, questioning you life choices, or even your sexuality is a battle. As you all know, battles is something I am use to in my life. I guess for now, I will always question myself but in my heart and soul, I know who I am and what I am. I hope this will be the end but I guess that is something else I will question.

Eugene Chandler III