March Madness: Probation Madness

Dear Friends,

Well I wish I was enjoying the first few days of spring. I want to be outside looking at the blue sky and looking at the flowers grow back to bloom. I have been speaking about the unseasonable weather in Michigan but the sad thing is that I have a personal storm brewing. I have said that I am moving on from my ex AF but the truth is that the shit I been through with the courts is getting to me. What puzzles me is the way my probation is playing out? I would think that I would be done paying for the drama of AF. The truth is that I am not. This is my view and opinion of the hell and stress of this past winter.

First of all, being on probation is a lot like being on a tether. There are so many places I want to go and things I want to do but can’t because of the limits. Every 3^rd Tuesday of the month since last July, I have been running down to Monroe to make sure I report to someone for five minutes. I wait close to one hour just to be seen for five minutes. I was suppose to be on probation for six months but I made it stretch out to close to a year. Between paying the fines and trying to live, that’s hard on the budget and also the mind. I already have a big fear of going to jail thanks to my baby momma and child support. So now, I have this probation officer that is gunning for me to do time in jail. I do that and I lose my job and my sense of freedom.

Second, probation is a joke. I am not guilty of anything but took a plea to avoid seeing AF and her family in court. I also did what I did to avoid any more issues with AF. Aside from taking her to small claims court, I have done nothing to provoke her. I said that probation is a joke, and I am right. That’s because I did not commit a major crime. I did not murder anyone. I did not rape anyone. I did not ever steal anything. So why am I treated like I am a murderer? My probation is a joke because part of my conditions requires me to go to classes for domestic violence and anger management. Men only learn that anger management and domestic violence classes make men more angry and violent. I sat through some classes just to be more upset and angry at myself. I did not do anything wrong except date AF again. That’s my true crime.

Third of all, being classified as a man that committed domestic violence makes it hard to date women. So most of these men will get branded and can’t get women because they will think you would beat them. Women don’t want a man that gets angry and beat them for any reason. I am convinced that if I don’t get off probation or get branded a wife beater then I will simply die alone. I guess I hope to be cleared but then again, I don’t want to be label a wife beater.

Fourth of all, this probation period is slowly killing my confidence. I say that because being in the court system is just as bad as jail except I am able to walk free for a while. I have tried my best to be positive but slowly, this whole process is killing me and I hope to get this monkey off my fucking back soon.

Finally, as I try to finish this entry, I think just getting my frustration off my chest is going to help me get through this ordeal. I have though that this will pass but then again nothing dealing with AF passes that easily. As I pray to god, I hope for the best but expect the worse. I don’t think I can do another stint in jail. I am not a harden criminal that is use to jail time. I am a free thinker that wants to live life and not be stuck in the motherfucking past. There will be more to come but that’s all for now.

Eugene Chandler III