March Madness: A Father's Message To His Only Son

Dear Friends,

About a couple weeks ago, it was my son’s fifth birthday. In 2007, my son was bought into this world. If you know me, you know that my son is both a very sore subject and a source of my depression most days. You would think that I would be celebrating his fifth birthday but like the last four birthdays, I could not make the drive up there or have permission to see him. This entry is about my son and how I think he had to spend the last five years without me in his life. This will be interesting because I think if my son could read this, he might understand why I am not in his life.

The short version about my son’s birth was that I get a call that he was born, then I get his weight and height. I also learn that he was born up in the thumb of Michigan and he has red hair and blue eyes. Most men would be ecstatic about having a son or any kid.  I wish I was happy to hear about his birth but I was saddened because I was not there. Most people would think of me not being there as an excuse but having no car is not an excuse. This was the start of many nights and days of not being there for him.

One year later, it is 2008 and I am slammed with paperwork for child support and other things. I do get visitation but for one day only. I was subjected to seeing my son for one day a week for eight hours. My day was Friday. Now if you know me, you know I work mostly weekends in Detroit. So I could not make it to see him. Again, most people would consider this an excuse but people think back then or now, it is easy to go anywhere in a car without paying money to put gas in the car and make a 6 hour round trip to see my son for a couple of hours. This was when my heart started to feel some sadness.

It is 2010, and my son is three years old. I was not there to see him walk, eat solid food, or help him pee on a toilet. According to my baby momma, she had male friends or her boyfriends do that. That means someone else is raising him. Again, most people would think I have nothing but excuses but I was busier trying to better my life so I can show my son that I am not lazy or a joke. However, I have never heard his voice or had the opportunity to hear him call me daddy. Instead I get paperwork from the courts wanting their money.

It is 2012, my son is five. He will be in kindergarten learning his ABCs and 123s. He knows the basics to speak and learn. He’s not a regular kid. He’s mixed. His mother is Caucasian and his birth father is Black. However, he does not know me. He knows his mommy. I am just an after though and also a joke. His father is someone that she is dating. My life after his birth has been a nightmare because of my lack of seeing and bonding with him. So as I write this, I think he will find me before he’s 18 years old. If not, then he will know that I do love him but my battle to see him has not been easy but hard and stressful. Happy Belated Birthday to my son. I hope someday, I get to celebrate a birthday with him.

I guess the best way to end this entry is to do this:

As a father, I am not a good one. I think my own father did a better job to see me and he was in my life. I will not see my son until he’s 18 or not at all. I hope he knows that I love him but I also hope he does not do what I did or make the same mistakes to lose someone like him.

Eugene Chandler III