Dear Friends,
One of my exes, use to call me the Antichrist. Since we
broke up, I think that name stuck with me because most of my actions were not
of the Christian path. I think most of my life since this ex was spent doing
things on a downward spiral. This spiral was from 2006 to 2009. I think this
name sticks to me because what I did during this time period was very anti
christianly. This blog is going to look at why this bothers me and also bothers
my actions now.
When I got my associates degree this past April, which was
the aftermath of this time period. January 2009, was the last time I was called
or though about being the Antichrist. My ex AF cleanse me from that time
period. That’s only after dealing with the drama and the mess of this time
period. I think a part of my though process during my college graduation was to
never go back to this point of my life. However, in my head the name will
stick.
January 2006 started the point of which the Antichrist
nickname began to creep up on me. I was with someone I though I loved. This
woman would later become the mother of my son. I was not thinking right back
then. I was different during the day and a new man at night. I wish I could say
that this woman was helping me but I think I was hurting her and destroying
myself. After she left, I moved on. I was alone but I was also thinking about
things to further hurt myself. I did not do drugs but I did drink. I did meet
someone to keep me company but this woman was running from her issues. We used
each other to hide from our issues. We were not in love but users. Thankfully
she left before my evil came out. However, I was in a place I did not belong
in. So I drank some more and my mind was filled with more despicable things.
January 2007 was the point to where I was close to rock
bottom. I was looking at being miserable but I kept getting blessed with
things. I was blessed with a woman that had her own issues. She and I were
happy together. However, my issues with my baby momma crept in and I pushed her
away. I think that was me being my most evil. The Antichrist was out. However,
karma came and slapped the blessing away and also made me wake up to my self
destruction.
December 2008 was the last time I think I was at a point of
being the Antichrist. I remember being in a small room. I had little
electricity, no clean clothes, no soap, no clean linen and alone with my
thoughts and the voices of my neighbors. I was not drinking or doing anything
drastic. I was working but only for the holidays. I was blessed with
befriending AF after letting go of my best friend. I owe AF for getting me out
of this funk. I also thank her for causing me to get to the point of getting a
degree of something. I remember this point because my body and mind were not in
sync. I was glad to be free from the stigma of being the Antichrist and being
filled of evil thoughts. I think I am not as depressed as I was back then. One
thing that keeps clicking is why I never got to the point of schizophrenia. I
was hearing voices and I was doing some evil things but nothing to make me be
committed. Whatever that was to not get me to that point, I will never know.
Eugene Chandler III
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