Dear Friends,
Well if you don’t know, I had to spend some time in jail over my son and his child support. I had to spend 30 days with other men in county jail up north. Since then, I have feared that I might have to go back for more time. I have tried to not think like that or hope for that to happen again. I am not a career criminal or someone that likes to go to jail for shits and giggles. While in jail, I was able to suppress my depression and also hold back my emotions. Since I been out, I have been trying to live life and do more.
So what is making me think that I might be going back to jail? I wish I could tell you. Someone people think I am being a drama queen because I went to jail but that shit is not fun or exciting. Jail of any kind is something no one wants to go through. I mean it was unbearable to deal with and losing your freedom is not something I want to go through again. I have respect for men that go to jail over smaller crimes. Any amount of time from your family and friends is not a good thing. I lost 30 days of my life that I cannot get back.
As I try to live a new life, I keep getting reminded of the past. I am tormented with things I am proud of rather than feel ashamed about. I am happy to let my miserable ex go. I am happy to not have to deal with her or her mother. I am happy to see my friends again, and also go out alone. I keep looking in the man in the mirror and keep making those hard changes I need to do. I am happy to do that but keep being reminded that I have so much to do before I can breathe easy.
My life was a series of issues and challenges that I either took care of successfully or failed miserably. Until 5/18/11, I could say I lived a life in obscurity. Now I live to see tomorrow and hopefully free from being locked up. That’s sad to say but it is true that I want to wake up on a bed not in a cell. For now, I fight my depression and hope that love will find me and keep me sane. There is more to come soon.
Eugene Chandler III
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