New Years Revolution: Fear and Dying in Detroit

Dear Friends,

There is one subject that I avoid to talk about in my blogs. This is something that I am both scared to discuss but tend to think about more often as I get older. There are not a lot of things that I am scare of like this does. As I get older, I feel like it is time to bring this out but also eventually face this fear. I have a fear of dying. Especially, since I live in one of the most violent places in the U.S. Recently, I was not only faced with this fear but also had to pray to keep living.

About a couple of nights ago, I was getting off work. Over the last few years, I realize that I am getting out of work later and later because of later starts at work. So as I was getting off work, I was trying to get back to my father’s place. I get on the bus and sit down. As I sit down, there was this young guy who sat in front of me. After the young man sat down, this older man starts talking to the younger man that is in front of me. They shout at each other and this cause them to get heated. This started a fight between them. The young man takes off his jacket. He had a gun at the back of his pants. The old man goes into his jacket and he almost pulls his gun out. The young man is not scared. I am though. To my right, there was a woman with her four kids. They scatter to the back. I am still in my seat. I see the young man’s gun and about to see the old man’s gun. I don’t move. After a while, the men go off the bus and we move on and away from the drama.

So I did not think about the guns but I was scared to be shot by a stray bullet. I was also scared to see one of the kids or their mother shot by a stray bullet. I said that I have a fear of dying, which is true. I am not where I want to be but I still have time to fix some of it. As I think about it right now, I cared about others and not for myself. I am still alive because I talked these men out of the bus. I am still alive because I do fear death. I learned that it is time to be more active and live life like it is my last day. The new thing is you only live once or YOLO but I am more of a day to day person. I will leave you all with this thought: As a man, we fear the world but once we lose this fear, does this make a person more bold and brazen?

Eugene Chandler III