Dear Friends,
As I sit here writing this entry, it is officially my 35th
birthday, even though my mother officially considers me born at exactly 11:57pm which is the time I was born
into the world. My birthday is very much a paradox to me because so much has
occurred in and around this date. I have talked about my 21st
birthday to death. My 25th birthday was fun and exciting. My 30th
birthday was during a bad time in my life. Even my 33rd birthday was
filled with kids and cake. Last year, it was crazy. It is fitting, that I spend
this birthday at peace with my life right now. I usually have a coherent theme
with my blogs but for today, I am going to truly ramble a bit about my life as
it is now.
My birthday to me is like my new year. I have said it before
and will keep saying it. I start a new birth year with different goals. What’s
hard to me is that after 15 years of being on my own and being self sufficient,
it still shocks me that life is moving forward but most people hold on to the
past. As you get older, memories is all you got. What surprises me is that if
memories are all you got then why is it hard to let go. My birthday should be a
time to let go of the past and move on. However, the past is what makes our
present and future interesting.
My life plan goes as followed: career, wife, kids, life,
retirement, death. That was my life plan from nineteen to about twenty-five.
Somewhere past being twenty-five, my life plans changed for the worse. Also add
on the fact that depression makes it hard to keep a clear mind and also a very
positive attitude in life. Actually, being depressed has helped me in getting
my thoughts out in the open. Doing these entries have given me clarity in some
aspects in my life. My life plan as of my birthday is much simpler and clearer.
It goes something like this: job, wife, one more child, life, and finally
death. At this point, I will be happy not being alone in my life.
As I celebrate my birthday, I want to try to stop sounding
like a broken record. I don’t want to constantly repeat my life’s mistakes via
blog. It seems like since I started to write these blogs, I see what mistakes I
made and could do something to prevent it. I am a big proponent of prevention
of fuck ups and life mistakes. My birthday is something I want to consider as
me wiping the slate clean. I try my best to do that but seem like for every
time I clean my plate, someone wants to add more shit in it. So with that said:
Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!!!! Hopefully next year is better than this year.
Eugene Chandler III
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