Dear Friends,
What I am about to say will shock some people: It is hard for me to really love a person. I was watching this documentary called Paper Heart. It stars the Asian chick from Knocked Up and The dopey kid from Superbad. The Asian chick said she was not able to love someone. I can agree with her to a point. I love some people but not everyone. I am getting older and find it hard to love someone. I can say it to people but there are like a small number of people I really love with all my heart.
To love someone, you need to be able to trust them, respect them, and be able to be yourself around them. I am not myself to a lot of people because I think I have some fake ass friends or some evil assholes. So why is it hard for me to really love someone? One reason is that I never really been in love. I have been with women that were able to love me but I really did not love them. That’s also because of my mindset when I was with these people. You do have to have a mindset to love someone. I don’t except for family. I love my family to an extent. Depending on if I am talking about my mother’s family or my father’s family. As funny as this sound, I love my son even though I have not seen him or even connected with him.
So why is it hard to love someone? I guess it would depend on if a person loves them for themselves or something they posses. I guess in my case, I love them for helping me but I don’t love them for themselves. Rather to be asking more questions about who I love, I need to see if I was ever in love. I use to say more than once but I think I only love three women outside my mother. That’s a scary thought to know I was with some of my exes just because of something materialistic. More to come.
Eugene Chandler III
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