Summer Showdown: Life As It Is or Life As You Want It To Be

Dear Friends,

Have you ever felt like your life was not the way you want it to be like? Have you ever wanted to be someone different? Have you ever felt like what you accomplished was not enough? These are questions I have asked myself over the last sixteen years. Most eighteen year old kids aren’t questioning their lives or wanting to be someone or something different. I felt like I was different. I knew that since June 10^th, 1996, when I graduated from high school. After over a decade and a half, thinking about what I wanted and what I am are two different things. Lately, I have been seriously questioning my life especially after my fall from grace. So let’s see where I was supposed to be and where I am now.

Well as I am close to turning 35 years old, I am laughing at the fact that where I am now is out of a job. Like I have stated for the last ten years, I have been at the same job doing the same thing. If I lived the life I wanted, I would probably not be out of a job. Thinking about it long and hard, I would still be working and gearing up to retire early. I originally wanted to be a self made man, living the rich and established life with my family. I find it funny that as I am halfway through my 30’s but feel like my life is over.

So we all know that I have a son but in my dream reality, I would actually be a part of my child’s life. Actually in my dream reality, I would be a father, husband, and more. What people don’t realize with me is that I want normalcy. I was born into the age of a two parent dynamic. My mother and father were in my life but not together or at the same time. I watched Bill Cosby show people that there is such a thing as a wife and husband that are successful and happy. 1980’s TV was sappy but it does make a person want more in their life.

So what would make a successful person be happy? Basically, what I just said plus the added incentive of being someone loved and respected. I tell people that I don’t regret my actions in my life but I will change my life if I had the chance. Change might not be good but it is better than dwelling on stupid shit. I think people need to change to adapt to the world they live in. I learned that the hard way over and over again.

Finally, as I am getting ready to start life again for the fifth time, I am hoping to see something that will give me something to be happy about. Happiness is something I have said over and over again that I seek in life. Happiness is basically in the long run what people should seek in their life. I hope to be someone that can stop bitching about not being happy and just living life. We will see.

Eugene Chandler III