Birthday Blowout: Day 14 of 20

Dear Friends,

Today is my father’s birthday. Most people know that I was named after him and my grandfather. As I think about my father’s birthday, I remind myself that it is less than one week until my birthday. This is when I realize that my birthday is coming and also that it is time to relieve some memories about my father and of my grandfather. This is going to be interesting because I never talk about either man in writing.

First and foremost, my father was a mystery to me for years. I say that because as a kid, my father was working but he also was a Christian man. My father and I never really talked like most fathers and sons. I never asked him about sex or advice. As a kid, I never had time to be alone with him or even had time to be a son to him. Now, my grandfather was in my life as a kid and to a point in my teens. My grandfather was bluntly honest. He was country as all hell but he was real. As a kid, he gave me something I live with even today. He made me see that a real man takes responsibility for his actions. I live with that now.

My father was not around in my life during my teens. The last time I saw my father as a teen was after my 16^th birthday in court for something silly. Before that, I was living with my father until after my 14^th birthday. My father wanted me to live with him but my father had a wife and kids. I had a step siblings and a step mother. I am a only child in my mother’s eyes. My grandfather left Detroit and moved back to Tennessee during my teens. The last time I spoke to him as a teen, he was happy to be home. My grandfather was my unofficial role model. He made me see that being a man is about being able to make choices.

My grandfather died some time ago. My father did not know how to reach me to let me know he passed. The last time I talked to my grandfather, he asked me if I was getting laid, I was. He wanted to know if I had kids, I did not have a kid then. He reminded me to be a man and I have done my best to remember that. I use to blame my father for not doing a lot to let me know that my grandfather was dead. I later just said that my grandfather is in my heart. My father missed his father. Fast forward to late last year. My father had a stroke. My father was in the hospital. One on my cousin had to send me a message online to let me know. I bring this up because since that point, I have been doing my best for my father.

Today is my father’s birthday. I wished him a happy birthday. He’s close to 60. I see my father as my namesake. I am not close to my father. I will not hide that fact. I see my father as my namesake and also a man that I am still trying to know. I know of him but sitting down with him is harder and different. I will leave you with this thought: Out of all the members of your family, your grandparents and your parents are suppose to be your core family members. In my family, my mother is left as my core family members. My grandparents are dead. My great aunt and uncle are dead. My father is someone I want to know but will always be an enigma to me.

Eugene Chandler III